What are some ideas for how to be good at sex? What does it take to please your partner, especially as a man dating a woman?
To be good at sex, you need to leave the unrealistic ideals in porn behind and focus on the real needs of your partner. Part of this means placing a high priority on foreplay.
To learn how to improve your sexual experiences, read on.
How to Be a Good Sexual Partner
Transitioning from establishing a trusting connection to a more intimate relationship with a woman can be both exciting and daunting. Unfortunately, skewed perceptions of pleasure, influenced by unrealistic portrayals in pornography, can leave many ill-equipped for sex in real life. Learning how to be good at sex, especially as a man in a relationship with a woman, means rethinking some of these messages.
Sex in real life is often vastly different than what’s portrayed in porn. Porn often focuses more on male pleasure while neglecting the realities of female pleasure and orgasm, including the importance of emotional connection, foreplay, and open communication about sexual needs and boundaries. Moreover, porn often depicts women as always ready for sex and able to achieve orgasm quickly and from penetration alone, which isn’t the case for most women.
(Shortform note: Some porn companies and directors are trying to rectify the myths of female sexuality that have been perpetuated by the porn industry. Directors like Erika Lust and Shine Louise Houston are at the forefront of a feminist porn movement that prioritizes genuine pleasure, consent, and egalitarian representation. They create content that celebrates sexual diversity, emphasizes female agency, and stresses the importance of ethical production practices. By portraying sex as a mutually satisfying activity that values the needs and boundaries of all participants, feminist porn producers hope to offer a more balanced understanding of intimacy and partnership.)
Prioritize Foreplay
Foreplay starts long before the sexual act itself. It begins with small gestures of physical intimacy, attentive listening, and genuine compliments throughout the day. Building anticipation heightens desire and can make the sexual experience more pleasurable. Try sending a flirty text or taking opportunities to touch your partner throughout the day.
(Shortform note: Some experts define foreplay as an ongoing process or cycle that continues throughout a relationship—it begins after the last orgasm, continues until the next one, and then starts again immediately after. They argue that the best way to practice foreplay is by embracing a specific mindset that shapes how you view your partner and your relationship. If you adopt a playful, inquisitive, and sometimes teasing mindset, it will keep your relationship in a near-constant state of flirtation and anticipation, stave off dullness, and allow you to handle conflict without turning to contempt.)
In addition to building anticipation, the importance of physical foreplay for women immediately prior to sex can’t be overstated. Foreplay can include kissing and lightly touching her nipples or other erogenous zones. Gentle caresses on these zones can stimulate nerve pathways and release oxytocin, a hormone integral to sexual arousal. Additionally, don’t ignore often-neglected spots such as the neck or the small of her back. Every woman responds differently, and open communication is vital in discerning your partner’s preferences when it comes to foreplay.
(Shortform note: The authors say that foreplay is fundamental for a sexual encounter because women require anticipation to become properly aroused: Whereas sex begins in the body for men, sex begins in the mind for women. This is due to the different levels of testosterone between men and women. Testosterone is the hormone that causes physiological desire and is typically much higher in men than in women. Consequently, women need more mental stimulation—what the authors call anticipation—than men to get sufficiently aroused.)
