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Do you fantasize about romantic conquest but struggle with the reality of it? In the modern world, how can a heterosexual man successfully attract women?
There’s no shortage of advice on how to attract women. Not only that, but a lot of it is contradictory, making it more difficult to figure out the right approach. However, there’s no one black-and-white formula for making women fall for you—it’s all about what you’re looking for.
To help you find your way around women, we’ve compiled strategies and tips on how to attract women from some of the most noteworthy voices on the subject.
Mark Manson: Attract Women Through Honesty
According to Mark Manson’s book Models: Attract Women Through Honesty, the key to attracting women lies in what he calls “non-neediness.” You embody non-neediness when you judge your self-worth based on how you feel about yourself, as opposed to what other people think of you. When dating, this manifests in a willingness to adjust your behavior as much as the woman does—but no more. You’re focused on how you feel about a woman, so you’re not willing to change your behavior excessively to accommodate her. In contrast, an unconfident man bends over backward for the woman he desires because he needs her approval in order to feel good about himself.
That said, Manson emphasizes that you must actually be confident—you can’t fake it. Most modern advice on how to attract women teaches men to portray themselves as confident. For example, they might recommend waiting three days before texting a woman back to give her the impression that you’re busy (even though you’re not). However, this advice usually backfires in the long run. Initially, you might successfully convince a woman that you don’t care that much about her opinion and thus attract her. But eventually, you’ll inevitably express behavior that demonstrates that you actually care much more about her opinion than you’ve let on—which will lead her to lose her attraction to you.
In addition to exhibiting non-neediness, Marson argues that you must grow comfortable with vulnerability, which he defines as the ability to courageously live according to your own truth. When you’re comfortable with vulnerability, you’re willing to express yourself authentically despite the risk that others may not approve. In this way, you demonstrate that you care more about your own judgment than you do about others’ and thus embody confidence.
However, Manson notes, it’s not enough to be authentically vulnerable; you must also be able to convey yourself effectively. To convey your attraction, Manson suggests several techniques for the four stages of dating: the introduction stage, the conversation stage, the dating stage, and the physical intimacy stage.
1. The Introduction Stage
Manson recommends that you calmly walk up to her from the front (you don’t want to scare her). Smile and introduce yourself with a simple opening line, like “I’m X. I think you’re hot so I wanted to say hi.” Don’t stress over the exact words! At this stage, she’s merely deciding whether you’re confident and have an honorable objective. A needlessly complicated line will make you seem unconfident and seedy.
2. The Conversation Stage
To converse well with a woman, Manson suggests that you master three main skills. The first skill is sharing information about yourself. To grow comfortable with sharing information about yourself, practice talking for a minute about several topics on which you two are likely to connect—such as your background or your future goals.
The second skill is getting her to share information about herself. Manson suggests that you learn to make declarations instead of asking questions. For example, don’t ask where she’s from; guess where she’s from based on an observation. By doing so, you practically guarantee that the conversation continues.
The third skill is showcasing your sense of humor. This conveys that you’re confident enough to laugh without obsessing over others’ opinions. People enjoy different types of humor, so just try to be funny in the way that you think is funny—for example, some people enjoy sarcastic comments, while others enjoy puns.
3. The Dating Stage
According to Manson, the dating stage begins when you ask a woman for her phone number. Some women will give you their phone number but not respond to or go out with you. You can reduce the possibility of getting the number of a woman who’s not interested by only asking for her contact information if she seems to like you—which she’ll demonstrate via signs like stroking her hair or paying more attention to you than to her friends.
On your first date, Manson suggests that you schedule four to six consecutive activities—most of which involve something active and opportunities to touch. For example, you might get hot chocolate, walk through a holiday market, go ice skating, then grab donuts. The more activities you do with someone, the greater intimacy you build—and the greater your chances of having sex.
4. The Physical Intimacy Stage
If the date is going well, how do you take things further physically? Manson explains that women are turned on by being wanted. Therefore, it’s essential that you demonstrate how much you want her by touching her. Manson recommends that you start touching her during the conversation stage. Start by touching the outer edge of her body (like her shoulder), and see if she’s receptive. If she is, the next step is to kiss her. And if she turns the kiss down, ask why—she may not be ready or she may merely be uncomfortable with your location. Finally, escalate kissing into sex. Manson suggests that you start by touching her breasts—if she’s enthused, she likely is willing to have sex.
Richard Cooper: Raise Your Alpha Status
In The Unplugged Alpha, entrepreneur Richard Cooper—best known for his YouTube channel “Entrepreneurs in Cars”—argues that women are attracted to dominant men or “alphas.” However, Cooper asserts that you should want to become a dominant for yourself; success with women is just a fringe benefit.
Determine Your Current Level
The first step to becoming a dominant alpha, according to Cooper, is to determine your current level: Are you a dominant, and if not, how much work do you have to do to get there? To do so, first envision your ideal self: If you had to rank yourself on a scale of 1-10, what would 10 look like? Then, determine how you rank now given factors like your finances and fitness. Once you’ve done so, go on a dating app in your area pretending to be a woman, and review your male rivals for female attention. Adjust your score if you need to, then evaluate your results. Unless you’re an eight or higher, you’re not yet a dominant.
Embody Masculinity
Once you understand how you rank, Cooper recommends that you improve yourself in the applicable areas to become a dominant in the following ways.
1. Become (and present yourself as) strong and masculine. Start by focusing on your physical appearance. Hit the gym to tone your physique, find clothes that fit well and are flattering, and do something about your hair—whether that’s finding a hairstyle that complements your features or leaning into your hair loss and shaving it all off.
2. Check your testosterone levels. Cooper recommends maintaining your testosterone naturally, using proven methods such as reducing how much time you spend near electromagnetic fields that disturb your endocrine system—which you can do by keeping your phone out of your pants pocket and away from your testicles.However, if you want to maintain ideal levels, you’ll likely eventually need to go on testosterone replacement therapy. This involves introducing additional testosterone into your body through medical intervention.
3. Own a motorcycle. Cooper explains that riding a motorcycle will help you feel powerful and thus masculine, as well as provide a space to process your emotions and thus improve your mental health. It also makes you especially attractive to young women, who love the adrenaline rush of being on a bike. If you feel unsafe, you can substitute a motorcycle with a convertible.
4. Learn a martial art. Cooper explains that you must learn how to be violent when necessary so that you can protect yourself and your loved ones. Join a Mixed Martial Arts dojo and pick your favorite; Krav Maga is beloved by specialized military units worldwide.
Pursue Riches and Respect
In addition to embodying masculinity, Cooper contends that if you want to become a dominant, you must become rich and influential. To do so, you must focus on your finances. The more money you have, the more attractive you’ll be to women.
In order to become and remain rich and influential, Cooper adds that you must learn how to distribute your energy efficiently. We have a finite amount of energy, so if we waste it on low-value activities (like complaining to customer service), we risk not having enough to spend on the high-value, energy-intensive activities that build wealth and influence (like building a business). Minimize this risk by taking regular cold showers: Since taking cold showers requires the self-control to endure discomfort, doing so regularly will increase the self-control you need to ignore low-value activities and instead focus on the activities that matter most.
Master Social Skills
Cooper explains that to become a dominant, you must master two main social skills. First, learn to take your time evaluating whether someone is a worthy addition to your life—whether in business or in your personal life. Don’t let their words distract you and instead pay attention to their behavior.
Second, you must learn how to attract women by presenting yourself in the best possible light. Cooper recommends several texts to help you develop this skill, notably The Game by Neil Strauss.
Final Words
There’s more to attracting women than good looks and lots of money. There are many rich and handsome guys out there who don’t know how to attract women. This is not to say that there’s one right way to attract a woman: Different women look for different things in a man, although there’s, of course, some overlap. So, it all depends on what kind of women you like as well as what you expect from a relationship.
If you enjoyed our article about how to attract women, check out the following suggestions for further reading:
David Deida, a teacher, researcher, and author of 10 books on topics related to the sexual and spiritual growth of men and women, explains that the gender equality that lets us thrive in the workplace fails us in our intimate relationships.
To reclaim the passion in your relationship and enjoy the fullest degree of intimacy and sexual fulfillment, you must reconnect with your masculine or feminine essence and embrace your sexual polarity. Become a Superior Man by learning how to attract women, how to understand and fulfill the needs of your woman, how to embrace and channel your attraction to the feminine, and how to prioritize connection over pleasure.
Author Neil Strauss had always assumed that it took natural charisma and confidence to pick up women—and that he simply didn’t have it. That all changed when he discovered the world of seduction and pickup artists (PUAs), a community of men who exchanged tips and advice on how to attract women.
Over the course of two years, Neil learned pickup lines, approach tactics, and even hypnosis from the top PUAs in the seduction community. Neil started picking up, dating, and having sex with more women than he’d ever imagined possible. But, over time, Neil realized that mastering the game wasn’t about memorizing lines and routines in order to get women into bed—it was about developing inner confidence.
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