This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "How to Become a People Magnet" by Marc Reklau. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do you make others feel valued and respected? What are the key elements of showing genuine appreciation for people?
Appreciating people helps draw them closer to you. In How to Become a People Magnet, Marc Reklau says that appreciation involves giving sincere compliments, practicing active listening, and aligning your actions with your words.
Keep reading to learn how to appreciate people and foster deeper connections with them.
How to Appreciate People
An important part of getting along with others is consistently showing that you appreciate and respect them. This makes people feel good about themselves, which they’ll associate with being around you. Reklau offers three-part advice on how to appreciate people and show them respect.
(Shortform note: In Carrots and Sticks Don’t Work, psychologist Paul Marciano talks more about the benefits of appreciation and respect in the context of a workplace. He explains that when people feel appreciated and respected, they’re more likely to engage enthusiastically with their work—increasing their productivity and morale. This is because when an employee’s work and ideas are appreciated and respected, they feel a greater sense of fulfillment doing their job. This sense of fulfillment makes them want to work harder and go the extra mile.)
1) Give Compliments
The first method Reklau describes is offering honest and specific compliments. When a compliment feels honest, people will take your appreciation more seriously. When a compliment is specific, it makes people feel like you respected them enough to pay close attention to them. If you’re not sure what to specifically compliment someone about, Reklau suggests telling people what they want to hear. For example, if someone is worried they’ll come across as boring during a work presentation, compliment them afterward on how passionate they were. This will make them feel good about themselves and give them a reason to want to be around you more.
(Shortform note: While complimenting people is a great way to make them feel good, psychologists argue that there is such a thing as too many compliments. They explain that when you constantly compliment someone, your comments will start to come across as less sincere. In addition, people can come to expect these frequent compliments and worry they’re doing something wrong when you stop. To avoid this, try to space out your compliments and put thought and effort into them so they particularly resonate and leave people wanting more.)
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Here's what you'll find in our full How to Become a People Magnet summary:
- Why charisma is a learned skill, not something you’re born with
- How to make a first impression that’s unforgettable
- How to persuade people to do what you want
