Do you make others feel valued and respected? What are the key elements of showing genuine appreciation for people?
Appreciating people helps draw them closer to you. In How to Become a People Magnet, Marc Reklau says that appreciation involves giving sincere compliments, practicing active listening, and aligning your actions with your words.
Keep reading to learn how to appreciate people and foster deeper connections with them.
How to Appreciate People
An important part of getting along with others is consistently showing that you appreciate and respect them. This makes people feel good about themselves, which they’ll associate with being around you. Reklau offers three-part advice on how to appreciate people and show them respect.
(Shortform note: In Carrots and Sticks Don’t Work, psychologist Paul Marciano talks more about the benefits of appreciation and respect in the context of a workplace. He explains that when people feel appreciated and respected, they’re more likely to engage enthusiastically with their work—increasing their productivity and morale. This is because when an employee’s work and ideas are appreciated and respected, they feel a greater sense of fulfillment doing their job. This sense of fulfillment makes them want to work harder and go the extra mile.)
1) Give Compliments
The first method Reklau describes is offering honest and specific compliments. When a compliment feels honest, people will take your appreciation more seriously. When a compliment is specific, it makes people feel like you respected them enough to pay close attention to them. If you’re not sure what to specifically compliment someone about, Reklau suggests telling people what they want to hear. For example, if someone is worried they’ll come across as boring during a work presentation, compliment them afterward on how passionate they were. This will make them feel good about themselves and give them a reason to want to be around you more.
(Shortform note: While complimenting people is a great way to make them feel good, psychologists argue that there is such a thing as too many compliments. They explain that when you constantly compliment someone, your comments will start to come across as less sincere. In addition, people can come to expect these frequent compliments and worry they’re doing something wrong when you stop. To avoid this, try to space out your compliments and put thought and effort into them so they particularly resonate and leave people wanting more.)
2) Actively Listen
Second, Reklau says you should carefully and actively listen to others. This shows people that you appreciate and respect their input and what they have to say. Active listening requires you to give your conversation partner your full attention. Look at them while they speak and don’t think about other things—mentally rehearsing what you’ll say next, for instance. You should also show you’re engaged by leaning forward and nodding, agreeing, or asking questions when appropriate.
(Shortform note: Journalist Kate Murphy (You’re Not Listening) explains that while verbal affirmations can help signal active listening, you should also allow pauses in the conversation when appropriate. She says that people often pause to consider how they want to elaborate on an idea or rephrase what they’ve just said. So if you immediately start talking after they stop, you’ll cut them off and learn less about what they were thinking than you would’ve otherwise. Quickly cutting someone off can also signal that you don’t care enough about their idea to wait.)
3) Support Words With Actions
Finally, Reklau says you should also back up what you say with actions. If you tell people you appreciate and respect them but don’t act like it, people will start to take you less seriously. But if you back up what you say, people will trust you more and therefore appreciate you and your company more. Supporting words with actions can be as simple as not being late—showing you respect the other person’s time—or sticking to your word and following through on promises.
(Shortform note: Mental health experts note that supporting words with actions is particularly important when you apologize to someone. For your apology to come across as sincere, you have to show that you mean what you’re saying—and actions are excellent for this. Experts recommend you back up your verbal apologies with attempts to make amends, like replacing something you broke or figuring out a way to ensure you won’t hurt the other person again.)
