What are you insecure about? How can you embrace your insecurities to be your best self?
Phil Stutz and Barry Michels recommend that you become vulnerable with yourself and others about your strengths and weaknesses. By doing this, you’ll stop wasting energy on hiding insecurities and redirect it toward performing better in your daily life.
Discover how to accept yourself for who you are below.
How to Accept Yourself
One part of knowing how to accept yourself for who you are is to overcome anxiety. When you feel performance anxiety, imagine an embodiment of your negative attributes standing next to you. (The authors call this your shadow, but we’ll refer to it as your “dark side.”) Whatever manifestation you choose, make sure it’s personal. What’s important is that you feel its presence. For example, if you’re experiencing imposter syndrome at a new job, you might envision your insecurity as a nervous dog.
Focus on this embodiment of your negative attributes and imagine it working with you as an ally. By doing this, the authors say, you’ll tap into the universal power of personal truth. Embodying your personal truth means acknowledging your true thoughts and feelings—positive and negative—and then allowing yourself to express them wholly. Once you’re partnered with your dark side, turn your attention to whatever audience you’re anxious about engaging with and internally demand their attention. The authors explain that doing this should fill you with confidence and help you communicate more clearly. For example, suppose imposter syndrome at a new job has kept you from feeling confident enough to speak your mind at company meetings. In that case, you might imagine yourself picking up the nervous dog that represents your insecurity and comforting it. You’d then picture yourself and the dog together calling for your audience’s attention.
Make Stress Your Ally
Stutz and Michels emphasize that we can overcome challenges by embracing the insecurities that cause us stress, but research suggests that it can also be beneficial to embrace stress itself. In The Upside of Stress, Kelly McGonigal explains that depending on how you conceptualize stress, you can cause it to manifest in a variety of ways. A positive stress mindset can even help you perform under pressure with confidence.
McGonigal elaborates that one of the ways stress can manifest is as a challenge response. This response kicks in when you feel determined to achieve something or feel called upon to perform, but don’t perceive your life to be in danger (when you feel in danger, you’re more likely to trigger the debilitating fight-or-flight response). During a challenge response, your body releases hormones to increase energy, motivation, and focus. However, because you don’t perceive a threat, you feel confident rather than afraid. McGonigal explains that the increased confidence and energy evoked by a challenge response allows you to perform better during exams, in competitions, and at work.
If you don’t feel like you have the resources necessary to handle a given situation, you’ll experience a threat response. On the other hand, if you feel like you’re capable of taking on a situation, you’ll be more likely to experience a challenge response.
To help trigger the latter next time you’re faced with a difficult situation, McGonigal suggests focusing on personal resources that empower you:
- View stress as an invigorating resource that can sharpen your senses and help you perform rather than as something to avoid. Stutz and Michels would likely argue that this strategy taps into your personal truth, as it involves acknowledging and embracing your stress.
- Think of moments in your past when you’ve handled similar situations well. Doing this can help remind you that you have what it takes to overcome the present challenge.
- Acknowledge personal strengths that can help you. For example, say you’re worried about making conversation with your partner’s parents during dinner. If you’re a good listener, focus on listening well and asking thoughtful questions about things they’re sharing with you.
