Are you searching for practical ways to find joy in your everyday life? How can you cultivate genuine happiness regardless of your circumstances?
In his book The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, Vishen Lakhiani reveals that happiness is not just an emotion but a skill that can be developed. He outlines three essential happiness skills that anyone can practice daily to create lasting contentment and fulfillment.
Read on to discover these powerful skills that can help you build a more joyful life, even during challenging times.
Happiness Skills
Part of striking a balance present contentment and future anticipation is finding happiness in your present circumstances, whatever they may be. Lakhiani argues that this is possible because happiness is a skill you can practice—or, more accurately, a set of three skills that he urges you to practice daily.
Skill #1: Thankfulness
The first happiness skill is thankfulness. Lakhiani suggests that you spend a few minutes each morning and evening thinking about what you’re grateful for, both in your personal life and your professional life. It doesn’t matter whether anyone else would think these things are important or worth celebrating, as long as they’re meaningful to you. For each one you think of, take a few moments to deeply feel and appreciate the positive feelings it creates within you.
(Shortform note: Intentionally letting yourself enjoy positive emotions like thankfulness doesn’t just feel good, it actually boosts your ability to create the future you’re excited about. In Feel-Good Productivity, doctor and productivity expert Ali Abdaal describes psychology’s broaden-and-build theory. This theory states that positive emotions like happiness make you more creative (they “broaden your mind”), and also build a reserve of mental energy that you can draw on when you’re tired or feeling down.)
Skill #2: Letting Go
The second happiness skill Lakhiani urges you to practice is letting go. Many of us hold onto anger and grudges for past wrongs and sabotage our happiness by doing so. Letting go of those negative feelings is crucial for creating real, lasting contentment.
Lakhiani’s process for letting go of anger is similar to the skill of thankfulness. Begin by closing your eyes and remembering the event that upset you as clearly as possible and the person or people responsible for it. Allow yourself to fully feel the hurt and anger of being wronged. However, don’t remain in this state for more than a few minutes, or you run the risk of reinforcing your grudge rather than working through it.
Finally, try to find feelings of compassion regarding what happened to you. Consider what might have led the other person to act the way they did, and whether you’d have done any better in their position. You can also consider how the experience might have taught you an important lesson or spurred you to become a better person in some way.
Lakhiani warns that you may need to repeat this process many times to fully let go of the negativity, but promises that you’ll feel a bit better with each repetition. Eventually you’ll reach a point where you’re comfortable forgiving the person and moving on from what happened.
| Tip: Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation One way to potentially help yourself find compassion and let go of anger is through practicing metta (loving-kindness) meditation. Tara Brach explains this practice in Radical Acceptance and says the goal is to recognize the innate goodness that all people share—Brach, a practicing Buddhist, calls it their “Buddha nature.” Metta traditionally begins by cultivating feelings of kindness and compassion for yourself. Think about the things that make you a good person, and wish yourself feelings of peace and happiness. Once you’ve established those feelings of love and kindness for yourself, expand them to include the person or people most important to you. This typically means your immediate family, your partner and your children (if any), or your closest friends. From there, expand your circle of loving kindness in stages: first to include other people you already know well, then casual acquaintances, and finally strangers. The final step is to find feelings of metta for people whom you don’t like, especially those you feel anger or disgust toward (most likely including the people who have wronged you). At first, meditating on good feelings and well-wishes toward those people will feel forced and insincere. However, Brach promises that, as you continue to practice metta meditation, your feelings of loving kindness will become more and more genuine, even toward people you once despised. |
Skill #3: Contribution
The third happiness skill is contribution, which means helping others and making the world better. Lakhiani explains that people tend to think of “helping” only in terms of either doing physical labor or donating money, but there are many other ways you can contribute to others’ well-being. For example, you could teach professional or life skills that you excel in, and give advice based on exceptional experiences you’ve had (good or bad). There are also opportunities to help out in your local community, such as volunteering at a community center or joining a neighborhood cleanup crew.
(Shortform note: Part of the reason contributing to others’ well-being is important to your own happiness is that humans evolved to work together and support each other. In Humankind, historian Rutger Bregman explains that our ancient ancestors survived because of cooperation and social learning (gaining skills and knowledge by watching each other). In fact, he argues that early humans’ capacity for learning from one another is why our technology developed so rapidly, meaning that our innate talent for social learning is why we’re now the dominant species on Earth.)
