What’s “Good Girl” syndrome? How can women break free from societal norms that hold them back?
Kasia Urbaniak’s book Unbound explores how pervasive societal norms influence behaviors associated with “Good Girl” syndrome, thereby limiting women’s potential and opportunities. Urbaniak confronts social conventions that encourage women to prioritize the needs of others, diminish their own needs, and suppress their aspirations.
Find out how to stop being a people-pleaser and live life for yourself as a woman.
Breaking Free From People-Pleasing
Urbaniak examines the societal constructs that impede women’s advancement, concentrating on the roots and consequences of the Good Girl syndrome that promotes excessive compliance and agreeableness in women on their journey to empowerment. Urbaniak posits that historically, women adopted behaviors such as politeness, agreeableness, and prioritizing others’ needs as critical tactics for navigating a male-dominated social structure. However, in the contemporary world, these tendencies often limit our ability to express our needs, assert our deserved position, and achieve our highest potential.
Understanding Societal Expectations
The author delves into the origins of a mindset that has historically urged women to value humility, deference, and the contentment of others, a perspective shaped in a time when cultural expectations demanded such conduct from the female gender. Such actions garnered societal approval and a safeguard against injury. Historical expectations have become outdated and can lead to negative outcomes in the modern era. Our tendency to prioritize courtesy and selflessness often leads to the suppression of our personal ambitions and wishes, thereby hindering our capacity to articulate our thoughts decisively, set definitive boundaries, and advocate for our personal interests.
Imagine a situation in which you consistently place your partner’s joy ahead of your own, investing a great deal of energy to satisfy their desires while neglecting your personal aspirations. Prioritizing the needs of others over one’s own can initially seem like a selfless act of love, but this frequently leads to resentment, fatigue, and a reduced sense of personal identity. By suppressing your own needs, you ultimately diminish your capacity for genuine love and connection.
Redefining Power Through Authenticity
Urbaniak confronts the restrictive notion that women must embody niceness, selflessness, and conformity to be considered powerful. She argues that true empowerment is achieved when we are in harmony with our most authentic selves and when we express our desires boldly and without regret. We must break free from the traditional confines of the “compliant female” archetype and develop a fresh understanding of power that resonates with our principles, guaranteeing that we establish firm limits, place our health and happiness first, and communicate our realities with courage and authenticity.
Turning down an overload of tasks, even at the risk of disappointing someone, is essential for protecting one’s mental health. Pursuing a profession that brings you fulfillment while challenging societal expectations is a move toward aligning your career path with your core values and passions. By recognizing our inherent right to pursue, seek out, and reject, we convert power into a driving force for personal growth and the fulfillment of our capabilities, instead of a display of obedience and self-denial.
Embracing Bold Desires
This part encourages women to channel their desires by making bold, unconventional requests that challenge boundaries and create new possibilities. Urbaniak suggests that by fully accepting our boldest wishes and asking for what seems impossible, we can transform our engagements, create extraordinary chances, and unleash our fullest capabilities.
Accessing Authentic Energy
Urbaniak encourages the harnessing of powerful forces derived from our authentic, unmasked desires – those fundamental wishes and needs that infuse us with vigor and a feeling of being alive. Our true potential and genuine identity are often hidden by hidden desires, a result of the societal norms and conditioning linked to the ideal of the “Pleasant Female.”
Urbaniak introduces a technique she calls the “Rebel Lady Strategy,” which prompts people to imagine fully embracing their most lavish, unlikely, and occasionally taboo desires. Engaging in this kind of lighthearted exploration can lead to a profound sense of freedom by piercing through multiple levels of self-imposed limitations, uncovering desires and necessities that we may have previously overlooked or not acknowledged. By cultivating awareness of these desires, we can then begin to explore how they might manifest in the real world.
Making Transformative Requests
Urbaniak motivates us to confidently articulate our needs by making requests that stretch limits, defy conventional thinking, and pave the way for fresh opportunities. At first glance, these requests may seem extravagant or impossible, but they serve as powerful catalysts for transformation, influencing not only our personal development but also the progression of individuals in our social circle.
For example, picture an up-and-coming artist who envisions establishing a large-scale community art project. She courageously seeks the support of a distinguished affluent patron to fund the entire project, rather than just seeking minor donations. Posing this inquiry might seem audacious, but it can spark conversations that unlock doors to extraordinary opportunities. Financial contributions from the sponsor could nonetheless pave the way for the creation of valuable connections, enhanced exposure, and further support that may have remained undiscovered.
Mastering Strategic Communication
This section explores the art of calibration – determining the right level of assertiveness for each situation. Urbaniak emphasizes the importance of awareness of our surroundings, carefully observing how others react, and adjusting our approaches to maximize our influence while minimizing unnecessary conflicts.
Balancing Assertiveness
Urbaniak emphasizes the importance of adapting our communication style to fit the situation and the receptiveness of the person we’re speaking to. When seeking assistance from a friend, one might adopt a gentler, less assertive manner, whereas in a business negotiation, a firmer, more commanding approach is often employed. Adapting how you communicate is essential to strengthen your sway, given that a single method does not apply universally.
Maintaining Curiosity in Difficult Conversations
Urbaniak encourages women to cultivate a curious attitude and maintain a sense of humor, especially in challenging conversations. This feeling of buoyancy and a willingness to experiment enables us to tackle disagreements with increased adaptability, inventiveness, and robustness. Viewing resistance not as a personal affront but rather as a captivating challenge presents an opportunity to investigate alternative approaches and uncover inventive resolutions.
Envision yourself in a conversation with your boss about a potential raise, and you pick up on an early sign of reluctance from them. Engage in discussions with a sense of comfort instead of succumbing to discouragement or assuming a guarded stance. “I understand your concerns about budget constraints. Is it possible to develop fresh tactics that boost the success of the organization while simultaneously advancing my personal contribution? This method demonstrates assuredness, adaptability, and a readiness to work together, which enhances the chances of reaching an outcome that benefits all parties involved.
