Is there a gentle “cry-it-out” method? What are the benefits of letting your child cry it out?
The Self-Soothe Method, also known as the “cry-it-out” method, centers on putting your child in a safe sleep environment and allowing them to learn to self-soothe. This method may be stressful for your baby as they adjust, but Alexis Dubief asserts that healthy sleep is worth a brief period of distress.
Discover why letting your baby cry during the night isn’t all bad.
The Self-Soothe Method
To succeed with a gentle “cry-it-out” method, ensure a safe sleep space, be in 100% agreement with your co-parent about the plan, and prepare to fully commit without wavering, even through distress. The author asserts that this method requires your total commitment—any inconsistency will completely undermine your efforts. If you cannot bear to hear your baby cry without going to them, hold off on SSM until you’re emotionally ready to see it through without intervention.
| Extinction Sleep Training According to some infant sleep experts, the cry-it-out method, like SSM, is a part of a larger category of similar sleep training approaches called extinction methods. Extinction methods typically involve putting your baby to bed awake, leaving the room, and not returning until morning to promote their self-soothing skills and encourage independent sleep. Some pediatricians recommend you start extinction methods between 4 to 6 months of age, when your baby is capable of self-soothing and they have a regulated sleep-wake cycle. This method is generally not advised for newborns who require frequent feeding and care. These infant sleep experts echo Dubief that your full commitment and a safe sleep environment are crucial. They say it’s also important to consider your baby’s age, development, and temperament—be open to alternative sleep training methods based on your baby’s unique needs. |
How to Do SSM
To prepare, Dubief says to make sure your baby is napping well during the day so they’re not overtired. Do what you must to get your baby to nap, like stroller walks or car rides. Don’t worry about unsustainable sleep associations during naptime yet. Establishing independent sleep at night is your first priority, and you can address independent sleep at naptime later (we’ll discuss this in the next section).
(Shortform note: There are a few reasons why unsustainable sleep associations at naptime might not necessarily derail your sleep training efforts at night. First, nighttime sleep cycles are longer and deeper than nap cycles—a baby who relies on rocking or feeding to fall asleep for naps might still be able to fall asleep independently at night due to their stronger sleep drive. Additionally, bedtime routines are often more consistent, calming, and lengthy compared to naptime routines. This consistency can create stronger sleep associations for the baby, so they may not be as attached to those associations during the day.)
Then, to implement SSM:
- Complete your usual routine at bedtime, using any sustainable associations that work to calm the baby, like swaddling or white noise. Move any unsustainable sleep associations like nursing, rocking, or cuddling to at least 20 minutes before bedtime.
- Put your baby down to sleep, drowsy but awake. Leave the room.
- Don’t go back in, no matter how much or how long your baby cries. Eventually, they will fall asleep.
Dubief explains that your baby will likely cry a lot the first night, typically 45 to 90 minutes, but they should cry progressively less the following nights. Most babies stop crying and fully acclimate to independent sleep after three to four nights. Have faith in your baby’s ability to learn this new skill. If they struggle with SSM after five or more nights, Dubief says one or more of the following may be happening: You’re going in to check on them, bedtime is too early or too late, or your bedtime routine isn’t right.
(Shortform note: When using an extinction method like SSM, some prominent experts in child development recommend you consider the skills your child can learn to do alone versus those that require your support, which depends on their developmental stage and temperament. For independent sleep, these experts advise that if your baby can’t self-soothe within five minutes of crying during SSM, it likely exceeds their current capabilities, and you should intervene with soothing techniques. However, this stance contradicts the basic premise of extinction methods, which require you not to respond when your baby cries. To determine the right approach, weigh different expert perspectives and your baby’s temperament and needs.)
Troubleshoot Common Sleep Issues
Even after you successfully teach your baby to sleep independently with ASM or SSM, they may still experience some sleep issues, including waking frequently at night and waking up early in the morning (4:00 or 5:00 am).
Night Wakings: Night waking typically happens when babies either wake to feed or have remaining unsustainable sleep associations, like the pacifier. Younger babies typically need to eat during the night, while most older babies can fast longer. However, older babies who may not need to eat may still wake up if they’re in the habit of snacking at night. In these situations, you can use the same technique (ASM or SSM) you used for bedtime to wean them off unnecessary night feedings.
Early Morning Waking: If your baby wakes up too early, Dubief recommends you try using your ASM or SSM method to encourage them to return to sleep. Try this for at least a week or two before expecting consistently later wake-up times. Another trick is to give them a small “snack” feeding—this may buy you another sleep cycle without disrupting their independent sleep progress.
Dubief also suggests adjusting the baby’s bedtime to encourage them to sleep later. If the gap between your baby’s last nap and their bedtime is longer than that suggested in the sleep chart above, they may be overtired, which can cause their bodies to produce stress hormones which might lead them to awaken too early the next morning. Move their bedtime earlier by 15 minutes a day until it’s more in line with what’s typical for their age. Conversely, if your baby goes to bed very early (6:00 or 6:30 pm), they may wake early because they’ve gotten enough sleep. In this case, Dubief recommends you push their bedtime later by 15 minutes over five to seven days.
