Do rich people have friends? How do wealthy individuals navigate their relationships?
Wealth can complicate friendships and social connections. In his insights on this topic, millionaire Felix Dennis emphasizes the importance of maintaining old friendships and being cautious with new acquaintances. He also offers advice on giving money to loved ones and managing personal security.
Keep reading to discover how the rich can cultivate genuine relationships while protecting themselves from those with ulterior motives.
Rich People & Friendships
Do rich people have friends? Of course they do, but relationships can be particularly tricky when you’re wealthy. Dennis says that, once you’ve achieved your goal and become rich, you’ll need to carefully manage your relationships in order to stay close to your genuine friends while avoiding people who are only trying to get something from you.
First of all, the author stresses the significance of maintaining your oldest friendships. Anyone who was friends with you before you got rich—and who stuck with you through the demanding process of becoming rich—will be an invaluable source of support as you navigate your newly wealthy lifestyle.
Furthermore, old friends are often the only ones who will provide you with honest feedback and advice. Those who have only known you as a rich person are likely to either be intimidated by you, or try to ingratiate themselves with you; either way, they’ll only tell you what they think you want to hear.
(Shortform note: Dedicating yourself to getting rich could harm your relationships with your family, particularly your children. Dennis suggests staying in touch with old friends, but doesn’t offer any advice on strengthening or repairing those familial relationships. Psychologists say that empathy is the most important factor in reconnecting with children after they’ve grown up. Rebuilding a relationship requires listening, calmly but seriously considering what the other person says, and owning up to one’s own shortcomings as a parent; becoming defensive or controlling will all but ensure that you never repair the relationship.)
Dennis adds that you’ll probably find yourself with a lot of new “friends” who are hoping you’ll share your wealth with them. Therefore, Dennis suggests limiting people’s access to you so you don’t get overwhelmed by their demands on your time and money. He also urges you to hire personal security for yourself and your family members—this is a necessary expense, because there are dangerous people in the world who might try to get your money by threatening you or your loved ones.
(Shortform note: It can be hard to know whether someone is being genuinely friendly or just trying to use you—or worse, to hurt you. Therefore, when dealing with other people, your intuition is often your best guide. This is because a “gut feeling” comes from you subconsciously noticing warning signs that your rational mind hasn’t processed. For instance, if you feel like a friend or romantic partner is taking advantage of you, there’s a good chance that they really are. Similarly, in The Gift of Fear, security specialist Gavin de Becker writes that you should always trust your instincts when they tell you a person or situation is dangerous; your survival instincts were honed by millions of years of evolution, and they’re much sharper than many modern people give them credit for.)
Giving Money to Family & Friends
Naturally, you’ll need to protect your wealth from strangers and scammers, but what about your loved ones?
Dennis says that you absolutely should give money to friends and family members—not just for their benefit, but for your own as well. Although it might sound crass, regularly giving money to friends and family is a great way to maintain your relationships with them. He also emphasizes that these should be gifts, not loans; don’t burden your loved ones with any obligation to pay you back, or you may harm your relationships instead of strengthening them.
(Shortform note: The question of whether it’s better to gift money or lend it largely comes down to culture. Dennis says that it’s better to gift money because expecting the other person to pay you back will put added strain on your relationship. However, in Thou Shall Prosper, Orthodox Jewish rabbi Daniel Lapin says the opposite: Traditional Jewish culture views loans as a better form of charity than gifts. This is because giving money away implies that the recipient is a beggar, whereas lending money (with the expectation of being paid back) gives the recipient the help they need while also allowing them to keep their dignity.)
Dennis adds that regularly giving money away will motivate you to keep creating more wealth, rather than becoming preoccupied with defending the wealth you already have. This will help prevent you from becoming isolated and paranoid and will also ensure that you’ve always got interesting projects to keep you busy.
(Shortform note: Gifting money to others won’t just create motivation for you to keep working— acts of generosity also directly increase your happiness. Research indicates that spending money on others can result in higher levels of happiness compared to spending it on yourself. This is because acts of generosity trigger the release of “feel good” chemicals in the brain like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Also, although we’re discussing money here, note that generosity goes beyond monetary gifts—it also includes acts like community service and simply showing kindness to others.)
