Types of Women to Avoid Dating: Advice for Alphas

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Unplugged Alpha" by Richard Cooper. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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What kind of women should you avoid dating? What are some red flags you should look out for in the women you date?

Dating the wrong woman can bring a host of problems into your life. As such, every man must learn how to identify whether a woman is bad for him. To that end, Richard Cooper, the author of The Unplugged Alpha, presents several warning signs that you should look out for when dating.

Keep reading for the types of women to avoid, according to Cooper.

Richard Cooper: Avoid These Types of Women

First, Cooper warns against dating women who are emotionally immature —those who are overly possessive, who regularly blow small issues out of proportion, or who don’t know how to calmly communicate any issues they may have with the relationship. Also, skip dating anyone with addictions or who lies constantly.

(Shortform note: What are signs that a woman is good for you? One key trait is emotional maturity. Unlike an emotionally immature woman, an emotionally mature one will be honest with you—even when she’s uncomfortable. She’ll be able to view situations from different perspectives—so she’ll be able to mitigate her jealousy even if she feels it and will be able to see why something might not be that big a deal. She’ll also be emotionally stable—unlike addicts in the early stages of recovery.)

Most importantly, leave immediately if she’s violent. Since men are commonly blamed for domestic violence even if they’re defending themselves from a woman’s attack, get evidence of her behavior to protect yourself.

(Shortform note: Despite Cooper’s warnings, men often struggle to leave abusive relationships—often because they don’t realize that their partner is abusive, especially if she’s not physically violent. Your partner may be abusive if she tries to scare you, makes you feel uncomfortable regarding sex, or isolates or insults you.)

Second, Cooper warns against dating women who exhibit signs of promiscuous behavior, as promiscuous women aren’t as able to have healthy, monogamous relationships. Don’t ask her how many sexual partners she’s had, as she’ll likely lie about her number. Instead, look at the company she keeps and her behavior. If her close acquaintances are promiscuous, she’ll likely be promiscuous. She also may be promiscuous if she regularly goes clubbing, posts provocative pictures on social media, or has any men in her life in a social capacity (friends included): These are all ways that she advertises her sexual availability to men.

What the Science Says About Promiscuous Behavior

How do Cooper’s claims compare to scientific research? One survey suggests that men are more likely to lie about their number of sexual partners than women: 23% of women have lied to a partner about their number compared to 42% of men. Whatever your gender, if you’re lying to make yourself seem like a better partner, there may be no point. Studies have found that people with only one sexual partner have the happiest marriages, but increasing the number of sexual partners doesn’t make a massive difference: People with mutiple partners are just 7% less likely to have happy marriages.

So what behaviors indicate promiscuity? While studies don’t indicate that the behaviors Cooper describes are directly associated with promiscuity, they may be indirectly associated. In some cultures, extroversion is associated with promiscuity—and extroverts may have more friends (both male and female) and may enjoy going out (to nightclubs) more. Additionally, women who believe they’re attractive are more likely to engage in promiscuous behavior—and if posting provocative pictures boosts a woman’s perception that she’s attractive, this may lead to promiscuous behavior.)

Types of Women to Avoid Dating: Advice for Alphas