Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to relax even after leaving work behind? What if your constant exhaustion stems from the same productivity pressures that follow you everywhere?
Devon Price, author of Laziness Does Not Exist, explores how our obsession with productivity infiltrates our personal lives, transforming family time, friendships, and even leisure activities into sources of stress and burnout. His research reveals how being tired at home often results from carrying workplace expectations into our most intimate spaces.
Keep reading to discover how to break free from these destructive patterns.
How to Ruin Your Personal Life
Unfortunately, our cultural myths about the sins of laziness follow us home from work into our private lives. The expectation that you should do your best at everything can warp your self-image and your relationships in several unhealthy ways. Price describes how the overwork cycle makes you tired at home, impacts your family life, your self-esteem, and even your enjoyment of leisure time.
First, Price explains that trying not to seem lazy can trap you in unhealthy family patterns. For instance, you may feel pressured to care for your parents to such a degree that you neglect your own needs and fail to set boundaries on how much they’re allowed to intrude on your life. Likewise, if you are a parent, you probably feel the weight of society’s countless, contradictory expectations for how you should be raising your kids. For many parents, the question always looms over their heads of how involved they should be in their children’s lives and what more they should be doing to guarantee the brightest future. Therefore, your family life can produce the same overwhelming overwork cycle that you may suffer at your job.
| Too Much Family Time Putting healthy limits on family engagement as Price recommends can easily become an emotional minefield. In The Art of Saying NO, Damon Zahariades emphasizes that setting boundaries with family members often feels like walking a tightrope between guilt over letting someone down and the need for self-care. Nevertheless, he says you can do it by being clear and direct, using positive language, and taking ownership of your decisions. When dealing with parents, Zahariades suggests communicating your availability and willingness to help, using that as a guide to establish clear boundaries. With children, he recommends positive reinforcement and explaining proper boundaries in an age-appropriate way. The question Price raises about how much parenting work is appropriate may be an even harder one to tackle. While society is full of conflicting parenting advice, research suggests some parenting styles are more effective than others. In Grit, Angela Duckworth describes authoritative parenting—a parenting style that combines disciplined guidance with emotional support—as the option that leads to the best outcomes for children, and studies tend to back her up. However, Duckworth also writes that it’s important for parents to demonstrate perseverance, which may clash with Price’s implication that parents should not teach kids to overwork. |
Similar pressures to do too much for others can reach beyond your immediate family. Price discusses how placing other people’s needs above your own can lead you to assume inappropriate responsibility for others’ emotional well-being. For instance, if you have a friend with financial or emotional problems, you can easily become trapped in a cycle of always having to do more to help them. This draws from the same emotional well as feeling that “you can always do more” at work or in your family life. In friendships, this hurts you by making your relationships one-sided and draining. It also hurts your friend if they reflexively turn to you to solve their problems instead of changing their behavior or seeking professional help.
(Shortform note: When taken to its toxic extreme, this pattern can lead to codependency. In Codependent No More, Melody Beattie defines codependency as a condition in which a person grows obsessed with another’s well-being and loses sight of themself. Codependents see themselves as responsible for everyone else but struggle to take care of their personal needs. Beattie states that codependency is a reaction to prolonged stress, and while it’s often associated with substance abuse, the source of stress can also be subtle, such as a difficult relationship. In Price’s example, it might be possible to become codependent with an overly needy friend who refuses to turn to anyone else for help.)
Keeping Up Appearances
Meanwhile, thanks to social media and the entertainment industry, we’re bombarded with unrealistic lifestyle expectations that would take endless work to live up to. Images of fancy homes and sportscars might drive you to work excessive overtime, neglecting the good things you already have. Pictures of models and actors with giant muscles, trim figures, and perfect skin might make you feel ashamed for not working out more or following the latest skincare trend. Price writes that constant exposure to these fantasies of perfection is deadly to your self-esteem, and yet they’re everywhere—we can’t escape them.
(Shortform note: Price’s warning about the dangers of unrealistic lifestyle ideals is based on social comparison theory, first developed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954. This theory suggests that people constantly compare themselves to others because they determine their social and personal worth based on how they measure up. In the age of social media, big-budget entertainment, and fashion magazines, such constant comparison distorts many people’s vision for how their lives should turn out, resulting in anxiety, burnout, health issues, and financial woes as they strive to meet unattainable goals.)
As if dictating lifestyle expectations weren’t enough, social media has “gamified” our lives, says Price, turning even hobbies and leisure activities into chances to compare our achievements to others. For instance, if you post your workout stats online, you’ll feel a brief reward as others “like” your progress, but then you’ll feel compelled to work even harder to outdo those who exercise more than you. The same goes for any activity—sharing how many books you read online, showing off your latest crafting projects, or posting how quickly you solved an online crossword. When hobbies turn into competition, the need to one-up other people can sap out all the joy from what you do while pressuring you to work harder at it.
(Shortform note: If done right, gamifying your life might actually make many of your tasks more enjoyable. In Barking Up the Wrong Tree, Eric Barker suggests that reframing some aspects of your life as a game can motivate you to push through setbacks and stick to your long-term plans. However, instead of letting social media drive your game—as Price says we too often do—Barker writes that you should write the rules yourself. Start by choosing realistic goals to make sure “winning” is possible, then regularly increase the difficulty of your challenges and incorporate regular feedback into your process. For instance, if you’re learning a new skill, set increasingly difficult benchmarks and tests, with rewards along the way.)
Carrying the Weight of the World
Price says that for some people, unhealthy views on productivity drive them to try to stay constantly informed, both by following the news at all hours and by sliding down informational rabbit holes on every topic that strikes them as important. While it may be important to keep abreast of current events, studies show that too much news exposure leads to anxiety, stress-induced physical ailments, and a decreased sense of personal agency. Still, you might feel you’d be lazy if you were to reduce your information intake—shouldn’t you try to know everything you can? Price reminds us that consuming an endless flood of information isn’t as empowering as we tend to assume; instead, it usually makes us feel hopeless.
(Shortform note: If you’re one of the obsessive news-checkers Price describes, it may not be your fault—modern news media is designed to be addictive. In Indistractable, Nir Eyal explains that news feeds, with their “infinite scroll” layout, are one of the most addictive features of social media since they don’t offer a natural place to stop browsing. To short-circuit this design and regain control of what you view online, you can install news feed blockers, save your frequently visited URLs to skip past social media homepages entirely, and block social media’s ability to send you notifications. Eyal observes that when you deactivate these features, social media and news sites become less entertaining and, conversely, more useful.)
Despite—or perhaps because of—the overwhelming amount of bad news we’re exposed to, many people feel motivated to make a positive change in the world. This is fine—Price doesn’t argue against activism, but once again, he points out that too much is too much. Unrealistic productivity expectations might drive you to support too many causes, eventually resulting in burnout. Price argues that even with all the world’s problems, you should focus just on those that are closest to your heart and trust other people to care about the rest. You can be more effective if you concentrate and moderate your altruistic efforts without giving up your well-being in the process. Otherwise, you won’t be able to help anyone.
(Shortform note: While Price blames productivity culture for activism burnout, another factor that undercuts altruism is the emotional energy you bring to it. Many people support causes out of feelings of obligation or anxiety, but in Pleasure Activism, adrienne maree brown argues that activism can be more powerful if you focus on what brings you joy. You can begin by cultivating an awareness of what things in life bring you the most satisfaction. Then, prioritize causes that genuinely inspire you, and work to build networks of support in those spaces where everyone can openly be themselves. People who feel connected are more energized, so activists who engage in this mindset can avoid burnout and amplify their impact through joy and cooperation.)
