This article is an excerpt from the Shortform guide to "The Mel Robbins Podcast". Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books, podcasts, and more.
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What happens when you keep secrets in a relationship? What kind of feelings do secrets induce?
According to Michael Slepian and Mel Robbins, secrets can harm a marriage or friendship. Relationships are supposed to be built on trust, so instead of keeping a secret, you should openly communicate with the other person for transparency.
Discover the impact secrets have on relationships, as discussed on The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Keeping Personal Secrets in Relationships and Families
Mel Robbins offers her perspective by sharing personal experiences of infidelity from her past, the immense relief of revealing secrets, and the emotional harm secret-keeping can cause.
Building on Michael Slepian’s research findings and his own experiences with secrets, Mel Robbins discusses how secrecy induces feelings of shame, isolation, and falseness that resurge every time the secret enters one’s thoughts.
One profound instance she references is a family secret from Slepian about his grandparents not being genetically related to him. This revelation significantly altered his understanding of family bonds.
Slepian stresses the importance of initial discussions on charged issues, such as infidelity. He emphasizes that these discussions should be presented not as an accusation but as a desire for transparency and mutual effort to resolve issues.
The Impact of Secrets on Children
Significant moments in the episode involve discussions on family secrets, particularly their emotional weight and impacts on children.
Slepian and Robbins emphasize the detrimental effect of involving children in family secrets. They warn about inappropriate parenting behaviors and the undue emotional load placed on children—behaviors Robbins describes as emotional manipulation.
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Mel Robbins Podcast episode summaries:
- Advice to make your life and your personal relationships better
- How to boost your confidence with techniques recommended by experts
- Research-based lessons combined with personal stories
