Heart Talks: Creating a Safe Space for Self-Expression

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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What do you do when you are in the grip of a negative feeling? Do you discuss what’s bothering you with other people? Or do you try to suppress it, keeping it to yourself?

We’re often better at telling people what to do than listening to what they have to say. And many of our institutions, like businesses and schools, are structured around talking with little listening. Without an opportunity to express themselves, people may hold their discontent or issues inside. To remedy this, create space for discussions, or “Heart Talks,” where people can share their concerns, wishes, and dreams so they feel heard and can put forth their best effort.

Read more about how to have heart talks and how they can help you.

Heart Talks 101

Heart talks can be used with most kinds of groups, such as work teams, sports teams, or civic groups, and in a variety of situations, including:

When there are conflicts between different groups or team members
After a merger or other event
As part of a meeting, or before it
In response to an emotional event, like the death of an employee

Heart Talks can be done regularly or as needed. For example, your team might choose to do a talk at the beginning of every team meeting, while others might do them only if there’s an emotionally challenging situation at hand, like a conflict between two employees.

Follow these steps to host a heart talk:

1. If your group is larger than 10, break it into smaller groups. Having groups smaller than 10 people lets everyone participate more often, and you might finish the activity faster.

2. Have participants sit in a circle, and introduce the six guidelines for the talk:

Speak using “I” statements. This focuses your comments on your thoughts and opinions instead of attempting to speak for the group.
Agree to keep what you hear confidential.
Only the person holding the “heart” or other object of choice is allowed to speak. The heart object can be anything other participants can see, such as a stuffed animal or paperweight.
Refrain from judgment and criticism of what others say.
When you’re done speaking, pass the object to the left. Or, if you don’t have anything to say, say “pass,” and pass it left.
Stay in the circle until everyone has said what they need to say, and the leader says it’s complete.

Heart Talks: Creating a Safe Space for Self-Expression