This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Unplugged Alpha" by Richard Cooper. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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What are the benefits of dating several women? How can you successfully date multiple women at once?
According to Richard Cooper, dating multiple women has two benefits. First, it reduces the possibility that you’ll continuously pine after one woman (who’s usually disinterested in you). Second, it teaches you the kind of woman you should focus on: You learn who you like and whether she’s interested or not.
With this in mind, here’s how to pull off dating multiple women.
How to Date Many Women at Once
So how do you pull off dating multiple women? The first step is to find them—which many modern men do online. To do so successfully, Cooper recommends that you first ensure that you’re at least 7/10 using the test recommended previously. Second, get good photos that make you seem as attractive as possible: Hire a professional photographer and get real women online to evaluate the pictures using a website like Photofeeler. Third, write a short profile quickly conveying that you’re high-status. Cooper suggests highlighting your job, your connections, and your interests. Fourth, message her only a few times: Start with a playful question. If she’s responsive and clearly interested, get her phone number to schedule a time to meet.
| How Other Relationship Experts Recommend Meeting People Online Like Cooper, How to Not Die Alone author Logan Ury argues that good photos are essential to a successful online dating profile, and that you should try to meet your matches as quickly as possible instead of messaging forever. Unlike Cooper, Ury recommends having a friend with a good camera (instead of a professional photographer) take your photos and suggests that you get your friends (not strangers) to evaluate the photos. Ury also doesn’t encourage a short profile that highlights generic qualities like your jobs, connections, or interests; rather, she argues that your profile should highlight specific details about yourself that spark conversation—for example, you should write, “My favorite travel memory is when I went spelunking in Tasmania,” instead of “I like to travel.” When you do message someone, Ury recommends that you start with a detail that references something on your match’s profile. And Ury doesn’t specify that you should get her phone number before scheduling a time to meet—it’s fine to schedule your date using the app on which you met. |
So how do you navigate the date itself? Cooper recommends that you meet halfway between your places: A woman who’s genuinely interested will make the effort to come meet you. Additionally, keep it short—no more than an hour: This is enough to determine whether there’s a genuine connection.
(Shortform note: How should you navigate your first date if you meet in real life? In Models, Manson recommends that you meet within walking distance of either your place or hers and that you schedule at least three separate hour-long activities to do on the date. The more activities you do together, the greater connection you’ll develop—and if you can walk to either of your places, the easier it will be to have sex at the end of the date.)
Assuming the date went well, Cooper explains that the next step is to try to have sex by the third date: This ensures that she sees you in a sexual light and that you two work well in the bedroom. To do so, exchange explicit messages after the dates. If she’s uninterested, say goodbye—she doesn’t see you as a dominant male. If she’s receptive, invite her to your home. Crucially, always use a condom and throw it away yourself. This is the only way you can ensure that you don’t have—and are thus financially responsible for—any unwanted children.
| What Other Relationship Experts Say About Building Up to Sex Other relationship experts recommend having sex not after a specific number of dates but after spending 36 hours together, which is long enough to get to know each other but short enough that your desire for each other hasn’t waned yet. When you do exchange explicit messages, they recommend building up to explicit messages with flirty ones—otherwise, you risk her growing unreceptive not because she sees you as non-dominant but because you’ve violated her consent. If she is receptive, that’s a good sign; one study found that women willing to sext are more likely to discuss safe sex (so she may be more receptive to using condoms and having you throw them away yourself). But even if she is receptive, remember that inviting her to your home may have disadvantages: Notably, it’s harder to kick her out in the morning. |
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Unplugged Alpha summary:
- The three big lies modern men have been told about society
- How to break free from the lies and become a high-value man
- How you can use this newfound status to become sexually successful
