Is charisma something you’re born with, or can it be learned? What’s the secret to becoming more influential and respected in your personal and professional lives?
Cues, a book by Vanessa Van Edwards, contends that anyone can boost their charisma by understanding and strategically using verbal and nonverbal cues. She explains that charisma is a balance of warmth and competence, which we can project through our words, body language, and personal branding.
Continue reading for an overview of this practical book.
Cues Book Overview
Do you have helpful skills and insights to share with the world, yet find yourself undervalued and ignored at work and in your social life? According to Cues, a book by Vanessa Van Edwards, the problem might be that you’re not projecting charisma—the quality that makes others pay attention to you. Without charisma, you won’t get your ideas across or have an impact on others, which can hold you back both personally and professionally. However, Van Edwards says that, by adopting charismatic cues, anyone can begin to convey charisma and make their mark on the world.
Van Edwards is a communications expert and the best-selling author of Captivate. She researches human behavior at her research lab, Science of People, and trains others to improve their lives by understanding human behavior.
In this overview of Cues (published in 2022), we’ll discuss Van Edwards’s definition of charisma and explain how people convey different levels of charisma through verbal and nonverbal cues. Then, we’ll explore some cues you can adapt to improve your unique charismatic style. Finally, we’ll discuss the cues you should mitigate or avoid to reinforce your charismatic image.
What Is Charisma?
Van Edwards explains that charisma is a balance of warmth and competence. When you meet someone, you first subconsciously judge their warmth (approachability, empathy, and kindness), then their competence (skill, confidence, and air of authority). As you interact further, you continue subconsciously judging them along these lines.
You form these judgments by perceiving their cues: verbal, nonverbal (behavioral), and symbolic signals of meaning—like kind words, crossed arms, and even the color of their shirt. Van Edwards says your brain has evolved to interpret these cues in only a few milliseconds. This helps you immediately determine whether others are trustworthy (via warmth cues) and whether you can rely on them as competent allies or leaders (via competence cues).
Van Edwards describes charisma on a spectrum—you might have no charisma, some charisma, or high charisma. She also lists a range of problems (and advantages) you may have interacting with others, depending on where you fall on that spectrum. Let’s explore the spectrum of charisma now.
No Charisma: Low Competence, Low Warmth
If you fail to display both warmth and competence cues, you have no charisma. Remember that others form a subconscious first impression of you based on your charismatic cues. You may have a warm and competent personality, but if you don’t demonstrate these traits via cues, you’ll project a cold, uncaring, irrational, and incompetent image. According to Van Edwards, this image damages your credibility. People won’t be able to connect with you or see the value in what you have to offer, whether that’s strategic insight or emotional support. This undermines your ability to influence others and build relationships with them.
Some Charisma: High Competence, Low Warmth
If you’re a highly competent person, you likely value skillfulness, expertise, and problem-solving abilities. You probably care that others respect you for your talents and see you as an authority, so you (unconsciously) use competence cues to project such an image. However, Van Edwards says that when you naturally favor competence cues, you may neglect to use enough warmth cues. To illustrate, former Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel falls into this category: She was known for her competent leadership, but both her supporters and detractors acknowledged her lack of public emotion.
If your cues suggest you’re highly competent, you have some charisma—for example, people might be more willing to hear out your ideas. But since you don’t use enough warmth cues, Van Edwards says others may see you as cold and uncaring. As a result, they might find it hard to work with you, or you may have trouble making friends.
Some Charisma: Low Competence, High Warmth
If you’re a very warm person, you likely value building genuine relationships with others and seeking to truly understand them. You probably care whether other people approve of you, feel comfortable with you, and enjoy spending time with you. Van Edwards says that as a result, most of the cues you (unconsciously) project are warmth cues, and you may neglect to use enough competence cues. Food Network host Guy Fieri exemplifies this pattern: He’s beloved for his good-natured enthusiasm, but some critics question his competence as a restaurateur.
The warmth cues you project give you some charisma—for example, people may be more willing to share personal secrets with you. However, Van Edwards explains that since you don’t display enough competence cues, others may see you as irrational, inept, or difficult to respect. This can lead them to shut down your ideas, talk over you, or override your boundaries—and since you care so much about their approval, you might find yourself tolerating their inappropriate behavior without protest.
High Charisma: High Competence, High Warmth
Someone who expresses both warmth and competence cues is highly charismatic. Van Edwards says that since you project an image that’s both highly competent and very warm, you enjoy all the benefits associated with each trait—people subconsciously trust and want to collaborate with you. For example, say that you’re the only expert in finance at your job. If you project a warm, competent image, people will respect your authority and enjoy working alongside you. This will make them feel more comfortable deferring to your expertise and seeking your guidance when they need it.
However, Van Edwards says most people aren’t highly charismatic—they tend to be dominant in one area (warmth or competence) at the expense of the other, or they may be lacking in both areas. Even if you feel that you’re highly charismatic, there may still be room to grow—learning more about how cues work can allow you to optimize your charisma by appearing warmer or more competent in different situations. For example, you might choose to use extra warmth cues during a first date to help you seem friendly and approachable.
How Understanding Cues Improves Your Charisma
Van Edwards says anyone can become more charismatic by understanding and strategically adopting warmth and competence cues. But how does this improve your charisma? Van Edwards’s theory depends on the cycle of cue communication, which has three steps: perceiving, absorbing, and conveying. First, when you perceive someone’s cue, you automatically begin trying to understand what it means—what message are they sending you? After you’ve perceived their cue, you absorb it—it becomes part of your understanding of the situation, and you have an emotional reaction to this update. Finally, you convey a message back to the other person, either automatically or thoughtfully—again, via your cues.
To illustrate, say your friend frowns at a joke you’ve made. Based on this cue, you might perceive that they found your joke offensive. As you absorb that information, you might feel embarrassed and make a mental note to yourself that the language you used was inappropriate. Then, you might apologize for the bad joke, using a verbal cue like imbuing your voice with emotion to convey your sincerity. (Then, the cycle continues—they perceive your cues, absorb the information you’ve conveyed, and send a message back, like accepting your apology.)
Van Edwards argues that, the more you know about cues, the more likely you are to succeed at each step of this communicative process. The ability to recognize and understand common cues helps you perceive them accurately, which means you’re more likely to absorb the right information and have an appropriate emotional response—for example, you won’t misinterpret your friend’s frown as approval, feel pleased, and decide to repeat the joke to another friend.
Finally, armed with your knowledge of cues and a decent understanding of the situation you’re in, you can choose to display the cues that project a charismatic image. This helps you communicate effectively and shape the exchange in ways that benefit you, since people are more willing to trust and collaborate with you if you seem charismatic. For example, intentionally conveying more warmth via cues might help you recover from a faux pas (such as an offensive joke).
Adopt These Charismatic Cues
Now that you know how understanding cue communication can benefit you, let’s discuss the verbal and nonverbal cues Van Edwards says can boost your charisma. In every case, Van Edwards recommends that you only adopt cues that feel natural to you. If you fake a cue, others will detect the artifice and distrust you, damaging your charisma.
Charismatic Verbal Cues
Verbal cues are cues conveyed through speech or text. They include word choice cues (your vocabulary and punctuation choices) and vocal cues (techniques that make your spoken voice sound more charismatic). We’ll cover all these cues.
Charismatic Word Choice Cues
Choose your words carefully. Van Edwards explains that the words you use carry both surface-level and hidden information. For example, “teaming up” and “working jointly” on a project have a similar surface meaning, but the former sounds warmer than the latter. To maximize your charisma, use a blend of warm and competent words.
Consider your emoji and punctuation use. Van Edwards says that in text and email, emojis and exclamation points signal warmth. She refers readers to Science of People’s emoji guide, where she explains when (and when not) to use 45 different emojis.
Imitate others’ word choice. Van Edwards says if you subtly imitate someone’s word choice, they’ll feel validated, which improves your rapport with them. If they greet you in a certain way, return the same greeting. If they use warm words like “love” or “encourage,” use the same or similar words in your response. When communicating over text, you can even mimic their punctuation style.
Use charismatic language at the start and end of professional gatherings. Van Edwards explains that using charismatic language (which signals both warmth and competence) at the start and finish of professional gatherings can inspire higher productivity and engagement. Here’s a pop culture example: On the TV show Grey’s Anatomy, charismatic surgeon Derek Shepherd often begins surgeries with the phrase, “It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” The “beautiful day” portion conveys warmth, while “save lives” conveys competence.
Use “touchy” language when you’re not face-to-face. It can be difficult to signal warmth during remote communication. Van Edwards says telling others you wish you could touch them with phrases like “Virtual first bump!” or “Sending you a kiss!” can make you seem warm.
Vocal Cues That Project Warmth
Speak with feeling. Many people mistakenly believe that speaking with feeling—that is, letting your emotions shine through your speech—undermines your credibility. Van Edwards explains that the opposite is true: When you speak with feeling, your voice changes in subtle, momentary ways. These changes communicate authenticity, which makes listeners more likely to engage with the ideas you’re sharing.
Convey your interest when others are speaking. Van Edwards says you can use two types of vocal cues when others are speaking to show them you’re engaged: interjections (for example, “That’s wild!” as someone tells a fascinating story) and affirmative sounds (like “huh!” in response to something that surprises you). You can also imitate the interjections and affirmative sounds others use in conversation with you to build rapport.
Vocal Cues That Project Competence
Drop your voice’s pitch as low as you can comfortably go. The deeper your voice, the more confident you’ll seem. Van Edwards stresses that comfort is key here—if you drop your pitch too low, it may be hard to speak consistently and others might perceive you as inauthentic.
Project your voice. Breathe in deeply, then speak loudly as you exhale (but not before you exhale, or you’ll run out of breath before you finish speaking). Van Edwards explains that this will help you avoid speaking too quietly or with vocal fry (a gravelly voice quality), two vocal cues that signal a lack of self-confidence.
Vary your volume to match the content of your speech. Van Edwards suggests that this approach signals that your emotions and ideas are aligned, creating higher confidence in your claims. Raise your volume to emphasize your passion. Lower your volume to create the sense that you’re including your listeners in something private and important.
Pause instead of using filler words. It’s common to use filler words like “um” and “so” to buy time when you’re not sure what to say next and don’t want listeners to mistakenly think you’re done talking. However, Van Edwards says that filler words signal low confidence in the content of your speech, which encourages others to interrupt you. She recommends that you replace filler words with pauses, but only in the middle of a sentence, not at the end. Pausing mid-sentence creates a sense of anticipation that draws listeners in, while pausing at the end suggests that you’re done speaking.
Charismatic Nonverbal Cues
Now that we’ve covered verbal cues, let’s explore the nonverbal cues Van Edwards describes. We’ll start with behavioral cues (body language, facial expressions, and other physical techniques) that project warmth, competence, and overall charisma (both warmth and competence). Then, we’ll discuss personal branding (visual cues that can evoke charismatic associations).
Behavioral Cues That Project Warmth
Smile often, slowly, and genuinely. Van Edwards explains that genuine smiling is one of the most effective ways to project warmth. They’re also contagious—when you smile at someone, they’re likely to smile back at you, which facilitates social bonding. Smiling slowly can signal true delight and inspire laughter, another contagious warmth cue that strengthens your connection with someone. However, you should only smile genuinely—Van Edwards warns that artificial smiles don’t help you seem warmer, since it can be easy for others to tell they’re disingenuous.
Nod to be supportive. Van Edwards explains that when you nod in response to someone’s speech, you support the speaker in two ways: First, your nod signals understanding and agreement. This is especially valuable when the speaker is sharing something vulnerable, like a difficult life experience, and needs validation to continue sharing. Second, if there are others around you, nodding can amplify the speaker’s credibility—by making it clear that you agree with the speaker, you increase the likelihood that others will, too. Both of these effects make you seem warmer and encourage the speaker to keep talking.
Raise your eyebrows to signal engagement. In a conversation, raising your eyebrows signals a desire to know more about the conversation or your conversation partner. Van Edwards also says raising your eyebrows to someone you’re not talking with signals a desire to initiate conversation. But she warns against raising your eyebrows too often, as this can make you seem bewildered.
Respectfully touch others. When you touch someone, both your bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin that strengthens social bonds. Van Edwards says touching will improve your connection with others in all sorts of relationships, from business to romance. However, she warns that who, how, and when to touch is culturally determined. In Western cultures, it’s usually appropriate to touch those you’re not close to on the hands and forearms, while touching the upper arms, back, and cheeks is reserved for friends and family. Van Edwards also says you shouldn’t pat someone’s head (it’s condescending) or touch anyone who seems uncomfortable.
Tilt your head in photos and in conversation. Van Edwards explains that tilting your head can indicate that you’re approachable—the gesture makes you physically vulnerable since it exposes your neck, which makes others perceive you as non-threatening. This is why many people naturally tilt their heads when posing for a photo. Tilting your head at someone you’re talking with can also indicate that you’re engaged, since it puts one ear closer to them (a sign that you’re listening carefully to what they’re saying). When you seem safe and engaged, you project a friendlier image. However, note that tilting your head can undermine your competence since it exposes your neck (a sign of submission), so use this cue sparingly.
Selectively imitate others’ nonverbal cues. Nonverbal cues communicate emotions that can be contagious—if you’re next to someone who’s happy, you’re more likely to feel happy (and vice versa). You can consciously imitate someone’s warmth cues to amplify their positive emotions, which makes you seem warm. For example, if a coworker always greets you with a high five, you might respond with your own high fives or other forms of respectful touch. However, Van Edwards warns against imitating negative cues, which can detract from your warmth and worsen an already moody atmosphere.
Imitating someone’s cues can also signal that you agree with them, and validating their feelings or ideas can help warm them up to you. But Van Edwards says you should take care not to imitate someone’s cues when you disagree with them, as that can send the wrong message.
Behavioral Cues That Project Competence
Narrow your eyes. Narrowing your eyes makes you seem thoughtful and intense. It signals to others that you’re paying attention and trying to understand—though narrowing your eyes for longer than a few seconds seems unnatural. Van Edwards also says you can watch for eye narrowing to find opportunities to reinforce your competence: When someone’s eyes suddenly narrow, it suggests that they just started analyzing something. This might mean you said something confusing or controversial, so you should pause to address the possible issue.
Steeple your fingers. Van Edwards says this cue conveys that you’re earnest, self-assured, and a deep thinker. You’re displaying your hands for everyone to see, which symbolically expresses that you have nothing to hide. Since you’re suggesting that you’re a deep thinker, steepling gives others a reason to think about (and believe in) what you’ve said—or if you’re listening to someone else, it communicates that you’re carefully considering what they’ve said. However, Van Edwards warns against a gesture she calls “evil fingers,” where you steeple your hands and tap the tips of your fingers together. Evil fingers suggest that you’re concocting a sinister plan.
Use explanatory gestures. Moving your hands and arms while you speak helps you convey information to others more efficiently (for example, you can use gestures that indicate the shape of something). When you gesture with purpose and grace, listeners pay more attention, understand you better, and find you more credible. However, Van Edwards warns against using very large or forceful gestures—if you notice people looking at your hands or moving away when you gesture, dial it back.
Behavioral Cues That Project Charisma
Clear the path between you and your conversation partner. Van Edwards explains that when something comes between you and the person you’re talking with—whether that’s your own crossed arms, an object like a laptop, or a piece of furniture—it can signal that you’re preoccupied, uninterested, anxious, or dismissive of their ideas. In contrast, when you clear the path between you and your conversation partner, you seem open-minded: receptive, approachable, and secure enough to explore others’ ideas in good faith. This makes it easier for them to communicate openly with you.
Lean toward others. Consider how you might lean toward a blossoming tree that you want to smell. Similarly, when you lean toward someone, it’s a sign that you’re engrossed in them—you want to see, hear, or otherwise perceive them more closely or even connect with them physically. This makes people feel like you’re respectfully or even delightedly engaging with them. Van Edwards says that you can also refrain from leaning to respectfully indicate that you’re not buying what someone’s saying—but don’t lean back, as this signals standoffishness.
Use space to your advantage. Van Edwards says that your proximity to others influences how they perceive your warmth: Closeness suggests mutual trust and comfort, while appropriate distance can signal that you respect others’ boundaries. Additionally, positioning yourself next to someone who’s important to the setting—like a community leader, your manager, or the most popular person in a friend group—can convey a privileged connection with them, enhancing your perceived competence.
You can use this process to foster closer relationships with personal and professional contacts: First, observe their cues to determine whether they seem accepting or closed off. If they seem closed off (for example, because they have their arms crossed), don’t get any closer—this may make them feel uncomfortable. If they seem like they’d welcome more closeness (for example, because they’re getting closer to you), gradually close the distance. Sit or stand near them, or use behavioral cues like touching, leaning, and gesturing.
Look into others’ faces. Looking into someone’s face suggests that you’re paying attention to them and that you’re interested in understanding them. It’s easier to interpret others’ emotions when you look them in the face—Van Edwards says you should take in a person’s whole face, but pay special attention to their eyes. Looking into someone’s eyes stimulates oxytocin production in both parties, which can enhance your ability to interpret each other’s emotions and produce the mutual sensation of warmth. On the other hand, if you don’t want to encourage intimacy with someone or if you want them to know you’re not paying attention to them, avert your eyes. You should also reduce eye contact if someone seems uncomfortable with it.
Personal Branding Cues
In addition to using your speech and behavior, Van Edwards says you can influence how others perceive you by manipulating visual cues to concoct a unique, charismatic “personal brand” that brings to mind certain associations. Your personal brand includes factors like your wardrobe, the colors you surround yourself with, and the imagery you use in professional contexts.
Let’s explore Van Edwards’s tips for developing a charismatic personal brand:
Curate your wardrobe. You can use your choice of clothing and accessories to signal warmth and competence in different measures. For example, if you always wear athleisure, others may subconsciously associate you with energy and vitality (competence cues) and see you as more approachable (a warmth cue) than someone who’s always dressed formally. Van Edwards suggests matching your wardrobe to the stereotypes whose associations you wish to embody, but she also notes that breaking the mold can be impactful because unexpected attire grabs others’ attention.
Consider color. Van Edwards contends that a few colors—red, yellow, green, and blue—have meanings that are nearly universal. You can use these colors strategically in your wardrobe, decor, presentations, and in other contexts to help others perceive you in a specific way.
- Red is associated with rushes of blood, which can convey excitement, danger, or urgency, so you can use it to attract attention.
- Yellow is associated with sunlight and can evoke happiness, but it works best in small doses because it can strain the eyes.
- Green is associated with nature, so you can use it to signal environmentalism and good health.
- Blue is associated with tranquil skies and bodies of water, so it makes people feel at ease, which can help them focus.
Use imagery associated with competence and warmth in professional contexts. For example, if you’re a therapist, you might stock your office with both reference books and comforting decor like art and plants to elicit clients’ trust in your services. Similarly, in remote work contexts, you can use imagery to curate your online presence and your background in video calls to convey the ideal mix of competence and warmth cues. Van Edwards explains that some clients will respond better to warmth cues than competence cues or vice versa—so you can tailor the imagery you use according to the clients you’d like to attract.
Mitigate These Anti-Charismatic Cues
We’ve covered the cues Van Edwards says you should use to cultivate charisma—now, let’s discuss the cues you should mitigate or avoid. We’ll describe the cues that signal contemptibility—the absence of warmth and competence—and provide alternatives you can use to minimize contemptibility. Finally, we’ll discuss how to counter others’ biases, which could lead them to unfairly perceive you as uncharismatic.
Mitigate Contemptible Cues
Contemptible cues counteract charisma by decreasing your perceived warmth, competence, or both, leading others to dismiss you. Just like charismatic cues, contemptible cues fall into two categories: verbal and nonverbal.
Contemptible Verbal Cues
Asking questions when you mean to make a statement. Van Edwards says that many people raise their pitch at the end of a sentence—this variation in pitch is known as question inflection, and it signals that you’re unsure of what you’re saying. To project competence instead, maintain a steady pitch throughout your sentence.
Uninteresting and pessimistic language. Van Edwards says when your words have uninteresting or pessimistic connotations, your audience feels uninterested and pessimistic. Because people avoid others who make them feel negative emotions, your audience will avoid interacting with you when you use such language. So opt for more interesting alternatives to banal language, and replace negatives with positives whenever possible. For example, instead of saying, “I hope our trip isn’t boring,” use the positive inverse of the same statement: “I hope our trip is exciting!”
Contemptible Nonverbal Cues
Defensive body language. Defensive body language includes protective poses such as crossing your arms as well as two other behaviors: covering your mouth and blocking your vision. The facepalm is one notable example of defensive body language—it suggests that you’re feeling embarrassment (or secondhand embarrassment) and need to take a moment to recover. Defensive body language signals discomfort, shock, shame, or fear, so using it makes others feel anxious.
Negative facial expressions. Many people unknowingly show facial expressions that signal sadness, irritation, and contempt—like knitted eyebrows, pursed lips, smirks, and frowns—even when they don’t actually feel those emotions. To avoid having others misinterpret your emotions, Van Edwards encourages you to be mindful of your facial expressions at all times.
Self-soothing gestures. These are small, compulsive, self-focused gestures like fidgeting with your keys, bouncing your leg, or peeling off your nail polish. You may only exhibit these behaviors out of habit, but they’re off-putting because they make you seem stressed and lacking in self-control. To prevent self-soothing, Van Edwards suggests preoccupying yourself by giving your hands or legs and feet something more natural and purposeful to do. For example, if you want to stop fidgeting with your keys in class, you could take notes or even doodle instead.
Confirming Unconscious Biases
Van Edwards points out that others may have unconscious biases against you because they unconsciously subscribe to certain stereotypes. For example, if you’re a Black woman, you may encounter the “angry Black woman” stereotype, which makes others perceive you as overly hostile or aggressive regardless of your actual demeanor and behavior. Van Edwards says that even though it’s unfair for the responsibility of counteracting these stereotypes to fall on you, it may benefit you to purposefully counteract them anyway. If you’re concerned about how being perceived as an angry Black woman could harm your career, for example, you could employ extra warmth cues during workplace disagreements to protect your professional image.
