Relationships Archives

Sexual Personality: Understanding SES and SIS

What determines your sexual personality? Why do different people seem to have different levels of sexual desire? Are some people biologically wired to want more sex? Although everyone is born with the same brain mechanism that controls sexual response, certain aspects are distinct to each person. According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, these differences produce unique sexual personalities that determine our individual sexual needs, such as what it takes to turn us on. In this article, we’ll explore the two-system mechanism in our brain that determines our sexual personality, including what it is, how it works, and how it varies

Stop Trying to Control Others—It Harms You Both

Do you have a bad habit of trying to control others? Why is it so important to take responsibility for yourself? If you have a codependent personality, then you probably try to control those around you, whether it’s intentional or not. However, when you spend your life trying to control others, you’re allowing other people’s lives to control you. To counter this bad habit, you need to start focusing on your own needs. Here’s how you can regain control of your life and stop focusing on others.

Deepening Relationships With Responsiveness

How do you establish a stronger connection in a relationship? What’s the key to deepening a relationship? Contrary to what you might think, relationships do not naturally deepen or grow stronger over time. Without regular maintenance, relationships easily plateau—they won’t develop any further without a bit of engineering. A properly maintained relationship has positive peaks that serve as the defining moments that deepen the relationship. Keep reading to learn about the key ingredient of a strong relationship.

Emily Nagoski: What Causes Sexual Desire?

What causes sexual desire? How does context or environment affect our perception of sexual stimuli? According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, the best way to think about desire is that it’s the result of context interacting with what we find pleasurable. In other words, depending on the contextual factors at any given time, we may or may not find something pleasurable enough to want more of it. Keep reading to learn about the causes of desire, the different ways people experience desire, and what causes a lack of desire.

Lack of Sexual Desire? Causes and Solutions

What causes a lack of sexual desire? Does a lack of desire happen mostly due to physical or psychological factors? According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, lack of desire can most often be attributed to psychological factors (e.g. context, emotional states). In her book Come as You Are, she even goes as far as to say that there isn’t really a lack of desire—just an abundance of the wrong contextual factors, such as the circumstances, emotional states, and cultural messaging. Here is what Nagoski has to say about the lack of desire and what to do about it.

How to Have More (and Better) Orgasms

Think and Grow Rich: Sexual Transmutation Demystified

What is the secret to having more and better orgasms? Why does it seem like your body sometimes resists an orgasm? According to Emily Nagoski, the author of Come as You Are, the key to having more (and better) orgasms is to deactivate the SIS (sexual inhibition system) and slowly activate the SES (sexual excitation system). In other words, we need to eliminate what our brain sees as reasons not to have sex and gradually increase the frequency and intensity of what turns us on. Here is how to have more orgasms, according to sex researcher Emily Nagoski.

The Role of Context in Sexual Desire

What is the role of context in sexual desire? How does context or environment affect arousal? Context or environment plays an important role in evoking sexual desire. What you may find arousing in some circumstances can have no effect in others (or even have the opposite effect). Here is how context interacts with our brains and how this interaction affects our sexual response, especially for women.

The Psychology of Commitment and Relationships

Does committing to one relationship make you happier—or more anxious? Why do relationships require so much time commitment? In the book The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz explores the connection between commitment and relationships. He argues that, just like in other areas of your life, you will be happier with limited choices rather than seeking the freedom to be with whomever you want, whenever you want. Here’s an overview of Schwartz’s ideas about relationships.

The Win/Win Paradigm: When Does It Work?

What is the Win/Win paradigm? Do you think a win/win outcome is possible in any situation? The Win/Win paradigm is one of Stephen Covey’s six paradigms of human interaction. The Win/Win paradigm aims to find a solution that benefits both sides, where everyone is happy with the decision and committed to the plan. However, the Win/Win paradigm may not be right for all situations. Read more to learn about the concept of Covey’s Win/Win paradigm, when Win/Win is appropriate, and when it’s not viable.

How to Develop Charisma: Be a Good Listener

What role does the ability to listen play in charisma? What steps can you take to become a better listener? Although it may seem like you only need to be a good speaker to have charisma, a big part of charisma is actually being a charismatic listener. If you take a genuine interest in others, they will be drawn to you. Here are some tips on how to develop charisma by improving your listening skills.