Relationships Archives

How to Surprise Someone in a Meaningful Way

Why do people like surprises? What is the key to creating a good surprise? Surprises add a little spice to a usual, mundane routine and they don’t have to be limited to special occasions. According to Chip and Dan Heath, the authors of The Power of Moments, there are two steps to creating a surprise: 1) identify scripts and routines, 2) think about how you can go off the usual routine in a meaningful way. Here is how to surprise someone in a meaningful way.

Confidence & Joy: The 2 Keys to Enjoying Sex

If we’re wired for it, why is that so many of us struggle to enjoy sex? What do you think is the secret to pleasurable, problem-free sex life? Despite all of the encouraging new information we may learn about our sex, that doesn’t automatically equate to problem-free, enjoyable sex life. Sex researcher Emily Nagoski argues that when it comes to enjoying sex, we must not only understand our own sexuality but also love it for what it is. In other words, we must find confidence and joy in ourselves. Here is what Nagoski has to say about finding enjoyment in sex.

The 3 Major Personal Life Choices We All Must Make

What are the biggest personal life choices that everybody must make? In what ways does expanded choice affect these decisions? In his book The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz explains that there are three major personal choices that we all must make in life: relationships, religion, and identity. Schwartz says that these already difficult decisions are complicated by the fact that people today have more options than ever. Here’s an overview of Schwartz’s discussion on personal life choices.

How to Tell Someone an Uncomfortable Truth

Have you ever had to tell someone an uncomfortable truth? What was their reaction? What do you think is the best way to get someone to confront a hard-to-hear truth about themselves? Most people go about telling one another hard-to-hear truths in the wrong way—by saying the truth outright. But this approach often leads to defensiveness and breakdown of communication. If you want someone to confront an uncomfortable truth, don’t tell them directly—lead them to discover it themselves. Here is how to force someone to confront an uncomfortable truth without telling them outright.

Sexual Personality: Understanding SES and SIS

What determines your sexual personality? Why do different people seem to have different levels of sexual desire? Are some people biologically wired to want more sex? Although everyone is born with the same brain mechanism that controls sexual response, certain aspects are distinct to each person. According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, these differences produce unique sexual personalities that determine our individual sexual needs, such as what it takes to turn us on. In this article, we’ll explore the two-system mechanism in our brain that determines our sexual personality, including what it is, how it works, and how it varies

Stop Trying to Control Others—It Harms You Both

Do you have a bad habit of trying to control others? Why is it so important to take responsibility for yourself? If you have a codependent personality, then you probably try to control those around you, whether it’s intentional or not. However, when you spend your life trying to control others, you’re allowing other people’s lives to control you. To counter this bad habit, you need to start focusing on your own needs. Here’s how you can regain control of your life and stop focusing on others.

Deepening Relationships With Responsiveness

How do you establish a stronger connection in a relationship? What’s the key to deepening a relationship? Contrary to what you might think, relationships do not naturally deepen or grow stronger over time. Without regular maintenance, relationships easily plateau—they won’t develop any further without a bit of engineering. A properly maintained relationship has positive peaks that serve as the defining moments that deepen the relationship. Keep reading to learn about the key ingredient of a strong relationship.

Emily Nagoski: What Causes Sexual Desire?

What causes sexual desire? How does context or environment affect our perception of sexual stimuli? According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, the best way to think about desire is that it’s the result of context interacting with what we find pleasurable. In other words, depending on the contextual factors at any given time, we may or may not find something pleasurable enough to want more of it. Keep reading to learn about the causes of desire, the different ways people experience desire, and what causes a lack of desire.

Lack of Sexual Desire? Causes and Solutions

What causes a lack of sexual desire? Does a lack of desire happen mostly due to physical or psychological factors? According to sex researcher Emily Nagoski, lack of desire can most often be attributed to psychological factors (e.g. context, emotional states). In her book Come as You Are, she even goes as far as to say that there isn’t really a lack of desire—just an abundance of the wrong contextual factors, such as the circumstances, emotional states, and cultural messaging. Here is what Nagoski has to say about the lack of desire and what to do about it.

How to Have More (and Better) Orgasms

Think and Grow Rich: Sexual Transmutation Demystified

What is the secret to having more and better orgasms? Why does it seem like your body sometimes resists an orgasm? According to Emily Nagoski, the author of Come as You Are, the key to having more (and better) orgasms is to deactivate the SIS (sexual inhibition system) and slowly activate the SES (sexual excitation system). In other words, we need to eliminate what our brain sees as reasons not to have sex and gradually increase the frequency and intensity of what turns us on. Here is how to have more orgasms, according to sex researcher Emily Nagoski.