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How important is vulnerability? Why is it vital for healthy relationships, effective leadership, and a fulfilled life?
Brené Brown studies, promotes, and lives vulnerability. In her bestselling books, if vulnerability isn’t the main theme, it still features prominently. We’ve put together a collection of quotes from her books that will help you know why it’s a quality worth understanding and practicing.
Continue reading for 33 Brené Brown vulnerability quotes that will give you a glimpse into her insights.
Brené Brown Vulnerability Quotes
We’ve collected some of the best Brené Brown vulnerability quotes from several of her books and organized them into subtopics. We’ll look at what vulnerability is, the importance of vulnerability, and how vulnerability is related to connection, courage, trust, joy, and leadership. We’ve added some context and explanation to help you grasp Brown’s concepts and start putting them into practice.
What Vulnerability Is (and Isn’t)
“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability.”
Daring Greatly
“Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability.”
Daring Greatly
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.”
Dare to Lead
“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
Atlas of the Heart
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.”
Daring Greatly
“Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It’s not oversharing, it’s not purging, it’s not indiscriminate disclosure, and it’s not celebrity-style social media information dumps. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.”
Daring Greatly
In Dare to Lead, Brown defines vulnerability as exposure to the risk of failure or emotional harm. However, she argues, most people have three main misconceptions about vulnerability—which leads them to avoid it.
- Being vulnerable means you’re weak. Brown contends that feeling vulnerable is a sign that you were courageous enough to approach—not avoid—exposure to risk and uncertainty.
- You have to trust someone in order to be vulnerable with them. Brown argues that vulnerability and trust happen simultaneously, in a constant exchange of small moments; neither comes before the other.
- Being vulnerable means you have to share everything. Brown clarifies that vulnerability can (and often should) be practiced with limits.
In her earlier book, The Power of Vulnerability, Brown explains that many people who are in a position where showing weakness can be harmful—like executives—mistakenly associate weakness with vulnerability. So, they believe they can’t be vulnerable. But, in Daring Greatly, Brown elaborates further on the difference between vulnerability and weakness, explaining that Merriam-Webster defines vulnerability as “open to attack or damage,” while weakness is “the inability to withstand attack or wounding.” In other words, being vulnerable means that you’re open to harm but not totally defenseless. Moreover, she presents studies that prove that acknowledging your vulnerability makes you stronger: If you don’t acknowledge your vulnerability, you’re not prepared to protect yourself.
The Importance of Vulnerability
“Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.”
Daring Greatly
“Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. … To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.”
Daring Greatly
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
Daring Greatly
“To live with courage, purpose, and connection—to be the person whom we long to be—we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.”
Daring Greatly
“There is no intimacy without vulnerability.”
Daring Greatly
“There is no courage without vulnerability. Courage requires the willingness to lean into uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”
Atlas of the Heart
These Brené Brown vulnerability quotes illustrate her strong belief that vulnerability is the prerequisite for a truly meaningful life. She discusses several specific ways that it makes a difference.
Being vulnerable enough to clearly say what you mean will help you make honest, productive connections. People who struggle to be vulnerable may avoid talking about their true emotions; instead, they’ll name “easy” but inaccurate emotions so they can talk about their feelings without full emotional exposure.
Vulnerability also discourages defensive behaviors, which are behaviors that protect you from experiencing any negative emotions. Examples include perfectionism and criticism. But, these behaviors, Brown argues, usually stifle innovation and creativity.
Brown argues that vulnerability is important also because it helps you understand and overcome shame—the feeling that you’re a flawed person who’s not worthy of connection or belonging. This matters because shame drives toxic behaviors.
Vulnerability and Connection
“When someone shares their hopes and dreams with us, we are witnessing deep courage and vulnerability. Celebrating their successes is easy, but when disappointment happens, it’s an incredible opportunity for meaningful connection.”
Atlas of the Heart
“Communicating our expectations is brave and vulnerable. And it builds meaningful connection and often leads to having a partner or friend who we can reality-check with.”
Atlas of the Heart
“Belonging is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. When we sacrifice who we are, we not only feel separate from others, but we even feel disconnected from ourselves.”
Atlas of the Heart
“If we’re going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light.”
Daring Greatly
“If we want to be fully engaged, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable.”
Daring Greatly
These Brené Brown vulnerability quotes highlight the necessity of vulnerability in any meaningful relationship. Brown strongly connects vulnerability with love and trust. She defines love as a deep and fulfilling connection between people and says that love begins with deep trust and the freedom to be yourself: You open yourself up to another person, and that person opens up to you. You leave yourselves vulnerable to each other and honor that shared vulnerability with kindness, respect, and warmth. In other words, love is a deep form of shared belonging.
As mentioned above, vulnerability allows people to speak openly and honestly, which is vital for any true connection. Also, vulnerability is the antidote to shame, and shame can keep you from feeling worthy of connection in the first place.
Vulnerability and Courage
“You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability. Embrace the suck. … Courage and fear are not mutually exclusive. Most of us feel brave and afraid at the exact same time. We feel vulnerable.”
Dare to Lead
“The physics of vulnerability: If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall. Daring is not saying ‘I’m willing to risk failure.’ Daring is saying ‘I know I will eventually fail, and I’m still all in.’”
Dare to Lead
These Brené Brown vulnerability quotes point to a strong connection: Vulnerability is a prerequisite for courage. You have to make yourself vulnerable in order to take big chances such as starting a new career, entering a new relationship, or taking on a leadership role. Vulnerability makes you stronger, not weaker. Simply choosing to show up builds courage, and courage is the foundation for embracing vulnerability.
As Brown notes, people often view their refusal to acknowledge vulnerable feelings as a courageous act. However, she argues that it signals the opposite: They’re not brave enough to engage with their vulnerability. Vulnerability shows that you have the courage to engage with risk and uncertainty rather than avoid it.
Despite seeing our own vulnerability as a weakness, we’re often inspired when we see it in others. When we see others have the courage to be vulnerable, we’re more likely to follow suit. A great example of this is in the workplace. If a person in a position of power has the courage to do something vulnerable, such as take accountability for a mistake or admit their fears, it encourages others to do the same.
Vulnerability and Trust
“Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time. Trust and vulnerability grow together, and to betray one is to destroy both.”
Dare to Lead
“We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.”
Dare to Lead
“Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. Trust isn’t a grand gesture—it’s a growing marble collection.”
Daring Greatly
“Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.”
Daring Greatly
Brown defines trust as the choice to take something that’s important to you and make it vulnerable to another person—it’s the belief that something you value deeply will be safe with another person. When you hire a babysitter, you’re trusting that person with your child. When you confess your feelings for someone, you’re trusting that person with your emotional well-being.
According to these Brené Brown vulnerability quotes, trust is the foundation of healthy vulnerability. It’s a requirement for vulnerability and also requires vulnerability in order to be built. In other words, vulnerability and trust are a package deal. When someone reaches out to you—and you choose to engage with and respond to their vulnerability (instead of ignoring it)—you earn their trust and the right to be vulnerable with them in turn.
Vulnerability and Joy
“To let ourselves sink into the joyful moments of our lives even though we know that they are fleeting, even though the world tells us not to be too happy lest we invite disaster—that’s an intense form of vulnerability.”
Daring Greatly
“In the midst of joy, there’s often a quiver, a shudder of vulnerability. Rather than using that as a warning sign to practice imagining the worst-case scenario, the people who lean into joy use the quiver as a reminder to practice gratitude.”
Atlas of the Heart
“Why do we insist on dress-rehearsing tragedy in moments of deep joy? Because joy is the most vulnerable emotion we feel. And that’s saying something, given that I study fear and shame. When we feel joy, it is a place of incredible vulnerability—it’s beauty and fragility and deep gratitude and impermanence all wrapped up in one experience. When we can’t tolerate that level of vulnerability, joy actually becomes foreboding, and we immediately move to self-protection. It’s as if we grab vulnerability by the shoulders and say, ‘You will not catch me off guard. You will not sucker-punch me with pain. I will be prepared and ready for you.’ So when something joyful happens, we start planning on being hurt. We start planning to deal with the fear of disappointment. Is this helpful? Of course not.”
Dare to Lead
“Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen—and they do happen—we are stronger.”
Daring Greatly
These Brené Brown vulnerability quotes reveal something intriguing about our relationship with joy. Brown points to research that shows that, when you’re not able to be present with vulnerability, you often feel exposed when experiencing positive emotions like joy, because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. In this sense, joy causes you to feel immediately unsafe, so you never fully experience it.
To be vulnerable is to be present with the full spectrum of your emotional experience. You can’t experience joy without being aware of the possibility of sorrow—or experience sorrow without being aware of the absence of joy.
Vulnerability and Leadership
“Our ability to be daring leaders will never be greater than our capacity for vulnerability. Once we start to build vulnerability skills, we can start to develop the other skill sets.”
Dare to Lead
“Adaptability to change, hard conversations, feedback, problem solving, ethical decision making, recognition, resilience, and all of the other skills that underpin daring leadership are born of vulnerability.”
Dare to Lead
“There’s probably not a single act at work that requires more vulnerability than holding people responsible for ethics and values, especially when you’re alone in it or there’s a lot of money, power, or influence at stake. People will put you down, question your intentions, hate you, and sometimes try to discredit you in the process of protecting themselves. So if you don’t ‘do’ vulnerability, and/or you have a culture that thinks vulnerability is weakness, then it’s no wonder that ethical decision making is a problem.”
Dare to Lead
“For leaders, vulnerability often looks and feels like discomfort.”
Daring Greatly
“Fake vulnerability can look like a leader telling us that we can ask questions but not taking the time to create the psychological safety to do it, or not offering a pause in the conversation for anyone else to speak at all.”
Dare to Lead
“Most people and most organizations can’t stand the uncertainty and the risk of real innovation. Learning and creating are inherently vulnerable.”
Daring Greatly
These Brené Brown vulnerability quotes are in the context of one of her major themes: vulnerability in leadership. According to Brown, the first skill you must practice in order to become a courageous leader is the ability to face vulnerability. She explains this is a vital skill because you can build an innovative, creative work culture only if your team feels comfortable failing and taking risks.
Brown lists three benefits of vulnerability in leadership:
- Facing vulnerability helps you understand and overcome shame. This matters for leaders, according to Brown, because shame fuels toxic behaviors—like bullying at work.
- Facing vulnerability helps you have tough conversations. Leaders must sometimes have tough conversations that have uncertain outcomes or demand emotional exposure from either party. However, Brown argues that being vulnerable enough to clearly say what you mean will help you make honest, productive connections.
- Facing vulnerability discourages defensive behaviors. Brown explains that, unless you encourage your employees to face their vulnerability, they’ll naturally adopt defensive behaviors, which are behaviors that protect them from experiencing any negative emotions. But, these behaviors are usually enemies of innovation and creativity.
Wrapping Up
We hope you’ve enjoyed these nuggets that we’ve mined from Brown’s books that are based on her many years of research into a topic that’s universally relevant. What would you add to our list of Brené Brown vulnerability quotes? Let us know in the comments below.
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