Why do some professionals avoid asking for feedback? What’s the difference between seeking validation and pursuing genuine improvement?
Getting better at your job requires more than just collecting compliments. Asking for feedback at work—and actually using it—can transform your career growth. Impact players understand this distinction and actively seek constructive criticism to enhance their performance.
Keep reading to discover practical strategies for requesting, receiving, and implementing feedback that will accelerate your professional development.
Asking for Feedback at Work
Instead of looking for praise, impact players ask for feedback at work. Wiseman writes that they recognize that feedback isn’t a personal attack but a way to help them improve. In contrast, non-impact players avoid or ignore feedback because it hurts their ego. Instead, they only seek out and listen to validation. However, it’s feedback—not praise—that can help you adjust and correct your actions, so when workers ignore feedback, they stop growing and improving, and thus they limit their potential.
(Shortform note: In Thanks for the Feedback, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen explain that it’s hard for us to receive feedback because feedback can trigger emotional responses. Usually, we react negatively when we think feedback is wrong or unfair, when we have a problem with the person who’s giving us the feedback rather than the content itself, and when feedback threatens our sense of self.)
Wiseman argues that prioritizing validation over guidance leads to impact-reducing behaviors. It can cause you to stick only to your strengths and to not try to improve weaknesses. Additionally, you may check in too frequently with your manager to get validation for your work to the point where it becomes burdensome for them.
Wiseman suggests several ways you can view feedback in a more positive light.
1) Separate your work from your sense of self. Recognize that your work doesn’t define your value as an individual. For example, making a mistake on a task doesn’t make you a failure.
2) Gain some distance from it. If you’re finding it hard to accept some feedback, take a break—for example, go for a walk. This gives you space to calm your emotions and helps you open your mind to making changes.
3) Make small changes to your behavior. Try to implement one piece of feedback at a time because small changes are easier to make, and they can have a big impact. When you make these changes, communicate your progress: Let your manager or your mentors know how their feedback has helped you and what you’ve achieved as a result. Doing so encourages people to continue investing in you.
| Ask and Listen to Feedback Effectively While Wiseman suggests ways you can better incorporate feedback, she doesn’t elaborate on how you can proactively ask for feedback in the first place. In The Oz Principle, the authors say that others will only provide useful feedback if they feel safe to share their honest feelings with you. You can do this by letting them know you’re looking for the truth, explain why you want feedback, and be specific with your questions—for example, instead of asking what you’re doing wrong, you might ask how you can improve your communication style. Once you’ve requested feedback, you must then listen and respond to it well. In Thanks for the Feedback, Stone and Heen lay out how to hold a feedback conversation: Listen: Be mindful of your internal voice while listening and ensure that your thoughts don’t drown out the other person’s words. Following Wiseman’s advice to separate your work from your sense of self can help you quiet your internal voice. While listening, let the feedback giver know you’re listening to them by asking focused information-seeking questions. Clarify: To be able to make small changes to your behavior, make sure you know how to follow the feedback giver’s advice. Ask for specific details—for example, if you’re discussing how to give a better speech, ask for specifics, such as what makes a speech great. You should also clarify the consequences of not applying the feedback, as well as the expectations of the feedback giver. Share your insights: Share your own observations, interpretations, and feelings so that you’re both on the same page. Diagnose, describe, and propose: As the other person gives you feedback, try to diagnose and describe problems as they come up during the conversation. Then, propose solutions in real time. This helps you process what the feedback giver is saying instead of reacting to their words emotionally. Finally, if you still have trouble taking in feedback, you may find additional benefits to following Wiseman’s advice of gaining distance from it: In Peak Performance, Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness add that taking short walks increases your creativity. Thus, gaining some distance from feedback may help you view the situation from a different angle and come up with creative ways to apply the feedback. |
