This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading.
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Why is love important, not only for the thriving of our relationships but for our own feelings of self-worth?
Love is important because it’s the foundation of all the other emotions we feel in relationships. The lack of love can be the source of the negative emotions we feel.
Answer the question once and for all: Why is love important? (From The 5 Love Languages.)
Why Is Love Important? It’s the Key to All Relationships
At the basis of all other emotions within a relationship is the sensation of love. When you feel loved, you feel less pressure, less alone, less anxiety, more secure, more confident, and more important.
Why Is Love Important? Answer #1: Self-Worth Is Tied to Feeling Loved
- If you are loved, you feel like at least one person believes you are worthy.
- When you don’t feel loved, you may interpret that as a lack of worth or significance.
Why Is Love Important? Answer #2: Deep Love Gives You Poise and Strength
- If you are loved, you feel secure in your relationship. Security allows you to argue without fear.
- Security allows you to feel free to be individuals outside and within the relationship.
Why Is Love Important? Answer #3: Love Can Ease Anxiety About the Future
- When you are in a loving relationship, you feel as though you have someone by your side. Confronting the future is easier when you have someone to do it with.
- If you feel unloved, you may feel your partner has the power to destroy whatever bits of happiness you do have. You may begin to resent your relationship as an affront to other areas of life that bring you joy.
So, why is love important? Love is not a solution, but a catalyst for an atmosphere created in which positive interactions are fostered.
Choosing to Love
Understanding and speaking your partner’s love language is an active choice to communicate love. Love is always possible in a relationship, even one with many problems or past difficulties, if each partner chooses to create it. Love is a choice, not a feeling.
Keeping your partner secure and emotionally satisfied is possible with the love languages. If you want them to feel that way, you can make the choice to do so.
Love in a relationship is different than complacency or comfortable contentment. You can learn to adapt and live comfortably with anything in life. But if you want to experience real love, you and your partner will need full love tanks.
- Some of these languages will require effort, but if you believe your relationship is worthwhile, the effort will be rewarded.
When both people have full tanks, expressing and sharing love can become reciprocal and enjoyable.
Use Love to Recover from Mistakes
Another answer to Why is love important? It helps you fix relationship mistakes.
No one is perfect. Mistakes get made. You cannot change the past, but if moving forward in your relationship is what you want, actively speaking your partner’s love language can start the process of healing and reconciliation.
You can choose to work on speaking your partner’s love language, or you can continue living as you have.
- If you choose to fill their love tank, you are making the grandest statement of love that you can.
- If you choose to ignore their primary language, you are basically admitting that their happiness is less important than yours or not important at all.
When you want to assuage an argument, acting within their specific language can signal to them your efforts and commitment.
If you and your partner are in a rut or spiraling toward the end, changing your behavior to match their love language can begin to fill their tanks and breathe life into your relationship.
There are so many benefits to love. Why is love important? It can create an atmosphere of goodwill, increase feelings of self-worth, ease anxiety, and correct mistakes, among other benefits. What’s not to love?
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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best summary of "The 5 Love Languages" at Shortform . Learn the book's critical concepts in 20 minutes or less .
Here's what you'll find in our full The 5 Love Languages summary :
- How to figure out what your love language is, and what your partner's is
- Why arguments happen in relationships, and how to stop them
- How to speak the right love language, even if it's not yours
