John C. Maxwell: Relationship-Based Leadership

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The 5 Levels of Leadership" by John C. Maxwell. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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What is relationship-based leadership? How does relationship-based leadership differ from title-based leadership?

Relationship-based leadership (also known as permission leadership) is the second level of leadership in John Maxwell’s leadership hierarchy. Maxwell writes that progressing from the first level leadership (title-based leadership) to the permission level means that you have gained some influence over your team members and they now do their jobs because they want to, not because they have to. They transform from subordinates into followers—they go along with you because they get along with you, not because your title coerces them to. 

In this article, we’ll discuss Maxwell’s second level of leadership, its pros and cons, how to maximize it, and what to do to move up the leadership ladder towards level three.

What Is Relationship-Based Leadership?

Relationship-based leadership marks the true start of your leadership journey. Reaching this level means that you’ve unlocked a fundamental truth when it comes to leadership: your success depends on your relationships. When you focus on communication and connection, it makes your people feel valued and included. This encourages them to go from compliance to cooperation and collaboration. In short, they give you permission to lead them. 

(Shortform note: Maxwell’s Level 2 and Collins’s Level 2 are similar in that they both focus on relationships. But while Maxwell’s Level 2 is about turning subordinates into followers, Collins’s Level 2 is about being a contributing team member who works effectively with others to achieve a shared objective.)

Pros of Permission Leadership

According to Maxwell, the positives of being a permission leader are:

1. It injects the workplace with positive energy. If you’ve ever had to work with a boss or a team you didn’t like, then you know how draining it can be. Conversely, working with people whom you like and respect makes the hours go by more quickly. Shifting your focus from yourself to your team has an invigorating effect. It makes your people feel cared for and trusted, creating a friendlier work environment and developing team chemistry. This makes work more pleasant for everyone and gives them more energy and motivation to do their jobs and do them well.

(Shortform note: It’s not always easy to remain positive, especially when faced with challenges. In The Energy Bus, Jon Godron writes that you can turn negative energy into positive energy with gratitude. For example, instead of seeing a long to-do list as a negative, be thankful that the company trusts you enough to carry out these tasks.) 

2. Communication becomes a two-way street. Positional leaders tend to talk down to their people. Meanwhile, permissional leaders have conversations that go both ways—to them, listening is just as important as talking. This leads to a greater sense of community, where people feel they can communicate openly, not just with their leader but also with their teammates.

3. Every person feels like a valuable member of the team. When you see and appreciate the uniqueness of every person on your team, they feel valued and respected, which then has a positive impact on their morale. Even little acts can go a long way to make people feel appreciated and give them a sense of personal fulfillment.

(Shortform note: In The Leadership Challenge, the authors write that the most meaningful form of recognition is a personal one. You can personalize recognition by getting creative with incentives and rewards, by publicly celebrating accomplishments, and by simply saying “thank you.”) 

4. You develop trust. Once you stop trying to impress people and start trying to develop relationships, you start to gain their trust. Trust opens the doors to collaboration and teamwork—sharing, questioning, creating, and taking risks. People will only give you permission to lead them if they trust you.  

Cons of Permissional Leadership

While building relationships offers many positives, it can still have downsides. That’s because you’re dealing with a wide range of people, who have different temperaments, interests, and quirks. Maxwell writes that you’ll have a better chance of earning people’s permission to lead them if you’re able to manage these downsides: 

1. You can have a hard time balancing the “soft” side and the “hard” side of leadership. Leaders need to balance the “soft” side of relationship-building with the “hard” side of producing results. If you lean too much toward building relationships, you might accept subpar work from your people just to keep them happy. You might also end up having frustrated high achievers on your team—workers who value action over affection might become impatient with the slow process of building relationships.

The key is to maintain a good balance between the two: build relationships to encourage production, but show tough love when necessary—if you are invested in your people, you’ll care about their progress, not just their comfort. Remember: It’s not about making people happy; it’s about making people better so that you can achieve a common purpose.

(Shortform note: While Maxwell believes that building relationships will inspire people to work, coaching experts say that relationships also allow you to determine the driving force behind actions and results. As a purely hard skills-oriented manager, you might only see your team members’ poor performance without understanding their motivation; as a leader who has built a relationship with your team members, you’re able to dig deeper and understand the beliefs and experiences that drive their actions. For example, if someone on the team doesn’t follow a sales strategy, a manager lacking in soft skills might simply put pressure on the team member to shape up. In contrast, a leader with soft skills will seek to understand why the team member isn’t following the strategy—maybe the team member’s previous experience has shown him a different sales tactic that proved effective for him.)

2. People can take advantage of you. When you build relationships, you’ll find that there are four kinds of people:

• Users, who use your influence to improve their position but don’t give anything in return
• Builders, who make the most of the relationship and improve themselves and you
• Freeloaders, who are content with any benefit that comes their way but don’t actively try to better themselves
• Friends, who have a reciprocal, genuine relationship with you

Maxwell acknowledges that you’re bound to meet a lot of users along the way, but it’s a relational risk you’ll have to take to open yourself up to the value that other people can bring into your life. 

(Shortform note: Similar to Maxwell, Adam Grant classifies people according to three reciprocity styles in Give and Take: takers, who like to get more than they give; matchers, who balance give and take; and givers, who like to give more than they get. When dealing with takers, Grant says you can keep from turning into a doormat by using a strategy called “generous tit for tat”—taking the game theory tactic of matching the other person’s behavior, but occasionally forgiving a mistake or bad act. For example, if the other person turns out to be regularly competitive, compete two-thirds of the time but cooperate a third of the time. If the takers keep taking, you shouldn’t feel too bad about being a giver—according to Grant, givers tend to be more successful in the long run.)

3. It’s not easy if you’re not a people person. Some leaders have a natural rapport with other people, while others struggle to form connections. If you’re one of the latter, think of relationship-building as a skill that you can hone. Choose to care about others, reflect on what you like about yourself and share that with others, and look for something likable in every person and compliment them on it.

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