Do you unfairly judge people? Why should you stop looking at people as saviors and oppressors?
Viewing others as oppressors or rescuers makes others responsible for your life and well-being. To change this mindset, David Emerald recommends reframing the roles of oppressor and savior as catalysts and mentors.
Continue reading to learn how to stop judging people and get rid of the oppressor vs. rescuer outlook.
1) Catalysts Instead of Oppressors
Emerald offers advice on how to stop judging people by reframing the oppressor role as a catalyst for personal development. He encourages you to view difficult people as opportunities for growth, learning, and self-improvement, rather than as obstacles or threats. This reframing leaves your autonomy intact by casting you as responsible for how you respond to these challenges.
(Shortform note: In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday presents a Stoic approach to viewing obstacles as opportunities for growth and success. He argues that you must start by recognizing that events in themselves are neither good nor bad, but neutral. Rather, it is your subjective assessments of the events that make you feel that something bad has happened to you and causes you to suffer. Once you let go of the assumption that an event is “bad,” you can look instead for the silver linings and opportunities it affords.)
2) Mentors Instead of Saviors
Emerald replaces the savior with the mentor: supportive figures who empower people by recognizing their inherent capabilities. Unlike saviors who may inadvertently reinforce helplessness, mentors use questioning and active listening to help you tap into your own resources and creativity. This also reinforces your autonomy: By viewing those who help you as mentors, you maintain the power to grow and learn from their advice, while still being the one in control of your own life.
| How to Choose the Right Mentor While mentorship sounds great in theory, finding the right mentor can make all the difference. Experts offer these six tips for finding the right mentor for you. Know your goals. Consider in advance: What do you want to learn from this person? What would a relationship that’s supportive but helps you maintain your autonomy look like? How can they help you to grow? Consider who you look up to. Take some time to reflect on the people in your life you’ve admired. What qualities did they possess that left such an impression on you? Explore your network. Consider who you already know and make a list of potential people to contact. Consider personal fit. The best mentors will be people who understand you, and with whom you feel a strong personal connection. Consider whether someone will try to solve your problems for you, or ask questions that help you figure things out on your own. Who might empower you by recognizing your inherent capacities? Consider their bandwidth. Your ideal mentor with an impressive resume and title might not actually have time to invest in mentoring someone else. Find someone with the time and inclination to mentor you. Reach out. Once you select a potential mentor, contact them. Be up front about what you’re hoping to gain, and how often you would like to meet. |
