Do you know how to tell a story successfully? When should you make eye contact? Which tense should you use?
In his book Storyworthy, storytelling champion Matthew Dicks shares the three storytelling steps. He also shares tips on things such as controlling your nerves, how to immerse an audience, how to navigate the use of offensive words, and much more.
Here’s how to tell a story like a pro.
Step 1: Control Your Nerves
In his first storytelling step, Dicks explains that it’s OK to feel nervous when you share your story. It’s also OK if the audience can tell that you’re nervous—they might find this endearing, as it shows authenticity and vulnerability. However, if you get too nervous you’ll find it difficult to perform.
(Shortform note: If you feel too scared to share your story, try isolating the reason you feel that way. This can help you identify an effective strategy for controlling your nerves. For example, if you’re afraid people will judge you harshly based on the content of your story, remind yourself that sharing your truth can foster connection and understanding. On the other hand, if you’re nervous about your public speaking skills, you could try practicing your story multiple times to build confidence.)
When it comes to controlling your nerves, Dicks offers the following tips:
Tip #1: Use eye contact strategically. Meet the eyes of a few audience members scattered throughout the crowd. It’s too hard to connect with every individual in the audience, but if you look in the general direction of the people you single out, everyone near them will feel acknowledged.
(Shortform: In Cues, body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards explains why eye contact can help you connect with your audience: Looking into someone’s eyes stimulates oxytocin production in both parties, which can enhance your ability to interpret each other’s emotions. It also makes you seem more warm—that is, approachable, empathetic, and kind. Warmth helps you earn others’ trust, which some say is crucial to the relationship between a storyteller and their audience.)
Tip #2: Don’t memorize your story word for word. This will lead to a stilted performance that comes across as inauthentic. Instead, memorize your first and final lines and the most important events that take place in the middle of your story. (Shortform note: Jade Bowler provides techniques you can use to memorize these parts of your story in The Only Study Guide You’ll Ever Need. One technique is spaced repetition, where you practice your story repeatedly over time. It’s important to space out your practice sessions, though—you should only practice when you feel like you’re about to forget your story. This ingrains the story in your long-term memory.)
Tip #3: Don’t take yourself too seriously. You want to seem confident, but you don’t want to seem arrogant. If you’re telling a story about a major victory in your life, it’s easy to come across like a braggart—and that would prevent your audience from empathizing with you and enjoying your story. To minimize this risk, undermine yourself by highlighting your flaws or imperfections.
(Shortform note: On the flip side, you don’t want to come across as overly self-critical or pathetic; the audience might be moved by their pity for you, but they probably won’t be impressed by your story. If you tend to err on the side of either extreme, you might benefit from ego work, which teaches you to see yourself in a more neutral light. Ego work entails exploring and balancing your sense of self-worth, helping you recognize both your strengths and weaknesses without inflating or diminishing them. This can allow you to tell stories with authenticity and confidence, without tipping into arrogance or self-deprecation.)
Step 2: Immerse Your Audience
Dicks explains that effective storytelling has the power to envelop an audience, making them feel as though they are living through the events of the story alongside the characters. This immersion creates a more emotionally powerful experience for the audience, but it can be hard to attain and easy to break.
To keep your audience engrossed in the world of your story, follow these tips:
Tip #1: Show up, but don’t show off. Dicks recommends that you wear nondescript clothing and advises against using physical objects like props to illustrate events. Flashy clothes and props can distract your audience from the story you’re telling.
Tip #2: Immerse your audience in the story, and don’t draw their attention to the fact it’s a story. For example, Dicks suggests that you avoid addressing the audience directly, and don’t start by saying something like, “This tale is about the worst day of my life.”
Tip #3: Use the present tense. According to Dicks, this helps the audience feel as if the story is unfolding in real time, which helps them more deeply experience the story as if they were actually involved in it.
| Don’t Break the Fourth Wall—Or Maybe Do Dicks emphasizes the importance of immersive storytelling and warns against using tactics that would pull your audience out of the narrative. The film world has a correlate to this concept: Don’t break the fourth wall. The fourth wall is an imaginary barrier that separates actors on screen from the audience. When the fourth wall is intact, viewers feel as though they’re part of the story, experiencing events alongside the characters. This immersion allows for a deeper emotional connection and investment in the narrative. In contrast, when the fourth wall is broken, the audience’s focus shifts from the story to their role as spectators. Like Dicks, film experts generally advise actors not to break the fourth wall by addressing the audience, looking at the camera, or using meta-narratives that discuss the plot or character motivations. However, some films like Scream and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off are famous for breaking the fourth wall in ways the audience found entertaining and inventive. Some successful novels use this technique, too, like Jane Eyre and The Catcher in the Rye. It can be hard to break the fourth wall in a way that doesn’t feel gimmicky. If you want to avoid breaking it, follow Dicks’s tips—public speaking experts agree that you should wear simple clothes, use minimal props if any, and use the present tense to help your audience focus on what you’re saying. However, since the fourth wall separates the storyteller from the audience, some argue that breaking it can foster greater intimacy—so it may be worthwhile to experiment with techniques for breaking the fourth wall in your stories. For example, say you’re telling a story about a time when you felt nervous. You might break the fourth wall by saying something like, “I felt more nervous then than I do now, telling this story on stage!” |
Step 3: Choose Your Words Wisely
Recall that the reason for sharing your story, according to Dicks, is to make a heartfelt connection with your audience. To achieve this, it’s essential to choose your words wisely. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
Tip #1: Avoid offensive words. This includes graphic descriptions of sex or bodily functions, which can repel and alienate your audience. It also includes profanity. Dicks says you should save curse words for when they’re absolutely necessary to get your point across, and try to come up with creative workarounds whenever possible.
(Shortform note: Dicks believes offensive words and material can alienate your audience, but that may not always be the case. It all comes down to a maxim among writers: Know your audience. For example, in an adults-only venue, telling a story that’s laced with profanity or sexual innuendo might be acceptable. Similarly, if you’re a doctor speaking to other doctors, it’s probably fine to include some gruesome details about the human body—your audience is likely immune to it.)
Tip #2: Be mindful of accents. If you imitate someone’s accent, it might seem like you’re making fun of them based on cultural or racial stereotypes—so as a rule, it’s best to avoid using accents. However, Dicks says it’s sometimes OK to mimic the language of your own culture; if your family members or neighbors have an accent that’s part of your lived experience, you can authentically incorporate it into your storytelling.
(Shortform note: As you decide whether to use an accent, consider this common framework among comedians: punching up versus punching down. When you punch down, you make fun of someone in a less powerful position than you (for example, someone subjected to racist stereotypes). Audiences often receive this poorly. In contrast, you punch up when you make fun of someone more prestigious than you—for example, by mimicking someone’s hoity-toity speech. Audiences are more likely to accept this kind of rhetorical move. Dicks advises punching horizontally by mimicking people of the same social station as you, but it may also be safe to punch up.)
Tip #3: Protect others’ privacy. Dicks explains that using other people’s real names in your story can lead to unintended consequences, especially if the content of your story is sensitive or potentially damaging. Using real names might also affect your relationships with these people, as they may feel uncomfortable with the publicity or misrepresented by your portrayal. To avoid these issues, consider using pseudonyms or general descriptions instead of real names.
(Shortform note: If the person you’re discussing is dead or unimportant to you, it might be OK to use their real name as you paint them in a negative light. This may be why, for example, actor Jennette McCurdy felt safe exploring her mother Debra’s abusive behavior in her memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died. But if you value a person’s reputation or legacy, it’s probably best to speak only positively about them or to obscure identifying information. This may include not only their real name but also details about their life, like where they live or what they do for work.)
