Is personal growth always about following a traditional path? What does it mean to grow in a way that honors your true self?
Self growth is a journey that looks different for everyone. It involves resisting external pressures, embracing change, and staying true to your authentic self. This process can lead you down unexpected paths that might not align with societal expectations.
Read more to discover how to grow yourself in a way that feels right for you.
How to Grow Yourself
In Awaken Your Genius, Ozan Varol contends that personal growth looks different than usual when you’re in touch with your true self. For example, you might take a nontraditional career path that prioritizes creativity over financial success, which others might disapprove of. Let’s discuss Varol’s advice for how to grow yourself in a way that honors your true self.
Embrace Endless Change
Varol argues that your true self is bound to change over the course of your life. You may develop new interests and passions, try new hobbies or a new career, and arrive at new conclusions about the world that change your dreams and priorities. Although certainty about the future is appealing and it’s tempting to resist change, it’s important to allow these changes to unfold—many of the best things in life happen spontaneously, and rigidity can prevent you from making the most of your life.
Worrying about change, which Varol warns is a waste of your time and energy, can also box you in. If you over-prioritize stability and security, you might resist making changes that would improve your life. Rather than worrying about change, Varol recommends that you embrace it. When you embrace change, you accept that although everything in your life has its purpose, nothing is meant to last forever. You’re grateful for the experiences you’ve had, but you’re also capable of letting them go to make room for new experiences. Personal growth requires loss; leaving behind what no longer serves you helps you evolve into something better.
| Alan Watts on Embracing Endless Change In The Wisdom of Insecurity, religious scholar and philosopher Alan Watts also argues in favor of embracing endless change. According to Watts, change is the only constant in life—which means that seeking security is futile and we should embrace a more realistic approach to life by welcoming insecurity. Let’s explore Watts’s perspective in more detail. Like Varol, Watts explains that it’s tempting to hold onto a static version of your true self. Watts says this is because you’ve fallen victim to an illusion concerning your identity: Time consciousness (your sense of continuity between the past, present, and future) makes you believe that you’re a stable, independent entity. Since you share memories with your 10-year-old self, you believe you’re the same person you’ve always been. You want to continue being this stable, independent entity, so you resist change and try to achieve permanence. You don’t want your identity to change in any way. This is an illusion because in reality, you can’t achieve permanence—just like everything else in the world, you’re always in flux. In one moment you’re sleepy and in another you’re alert. Similarly, your interests, skills, hobbies, and profession may change over time. So, how can you learn to embrace endless change? Watts recommends living in the moment instead of imposing identity-based limitations on yourself. Since your experience is constantly changing, you should keep an open mind about future possibilities and your potential for transformation, as Varol suggests. For example, rather than thinking, “I can’t possibly open my own business—I’m not an entrepreneur,” you might try thinking, “I don’t know what the future will bring; maybe I can learn entrepreneurship.” |
Resist External Pressures
Resisting outside influences can help you become your true self. Varol suggests that this work never ends—you’ll always experience pressures to conform or stray from your authentic path. He offers three tips that can help you overcome those pressures and stay true to your true self.
Think like a scientist. Traditional education primes you to accept what others tell you as fact, a bad habit that could cause you to develop false beliefs. False beliefs prevent you from seeing the world accurately, leading you to make decisions that are less than ideal. To avoid developing false beliefs, Varol recommends that you think like a scientist. This requires that you watch out for biased sources, ask for proof or at least sound logic before you accept an idea, consider alternative points of view, and acknowledge that sometimes the truth changes as science progresses (for example, parenting advice changes as we learn more about children’s health).
(Shortform note: In his book Think Like a Rocket Scientist, Varol offers some other advice you can use to steer clear of false beliefs. First, he recommends embracing uncertainty, as this can make you more receptive to ideas that counter your false beliefs. He also recommends using thought experiments to evaluate the soundness of your beliefs—for example, if you believe that AI will help humankind, you might ask yourself what could happen if AI replaced human doctors. Then, Varol recommends rigorously testing your beliefs. For example, if you think AI should replace human doctors, you could test that belief by researching how AI performs in real-world medical scenarios.)
Don’t mimic the great. Varol says that many people assume that history’s greatest figures had it all figured out and try to mimic their habits, strategies, and ways of thinking. The same goes for people they know and admire, like teachers and mentors. However, most people don’t have it all figured out, and even if they do, what works for them might not work for you. Instead of mimicking your heroes, consider all your options—then, choose the option that feels right for you. For example, say you admire Steve Jobs’ success; rather than mimicking his tyrannical leadership style, think critically about which leadership style best suits you.
(Shortform note: In The Art of Thinking Clearly, Rolf Dobelli explains the logical fallacy that underlies your desire to mimic the great—authority bias. This bias leads you to follow those you view as more knowledgeable than you, often without critical examination. To overcome authority bias, Dobelli suggests asking yourself how authorities are influencing you and if you should let them continue to do so. If that doesn’t help you, experts recommend two other approaches: creating distance between yourself and the authority figure (for example, by limiting your exposure to their work) and questioning the legitimacy of their authority (for example, you might question whether Jobs deserved to run Apple, given the negative effects of his harsh leadership style).)
Pay attention to the sidelines. Varol notes that mainstream media companies curate and recommend the media they think will be most profitable, not the media with the most intrinsic value. To discover the valuable ideas that escape most people’s attention, he recommends paying attention to the sidelines: What great people, ideas, and events are going unnoticed? This approach decreases your chance of falling back into conformist patterns. For example, instead of watching all the latest blockbuster movies (a kind of conformity), choose independent films or documentaries that explore unique perspectives or marginalized stories.
(Shortform note: Some journalists have noted that it’s increasingly common for people to automatically dismiss the mainstream media as intrinsically vacuous, even though its popularity suggests that many people agree it does have value. Some argue that this tendency may be most common among men and women with internalized misogyny. While it’s true that some things on life’s sidelines may be worth exploring, that doesn’t necessarily mean that popular phenomena aren’t worth exploring. Nor does it mean that every marginalized idea is inherently superior to mainstream ideas—for example, baseless conspiracy theories gain traction in life’s margins (and experts warn that they may appeal most to those who value non-conformity for its own sake).)
