How did Tarana Burke’s workshops help people talk about sexual assault? How did the “me too” movement help Burke in her personal life?
The betrayals and dead ends Burke met in Selma irreparably fractured her ties to that community, so she decided to relocate to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. There, she got a job as a youth advocate and turned “me too” into a full-fledged program.
Here’s how Burke transformed “me too” into an open space for victims of childhood sexual abuse.
Why Burke Brought “me too” to Philadelphia
Burke explains that this program consisted of four-step workshops designed to help victims of childhood sexual abuse talk about sexual assault:
- Burke would begin by sharing a famous survivor’s account of sexual violence. She used these accounts to provide definitions of various types of sexual violence.
- Next, she’d reveal the survivor’s name, underlining the fact that many highly respected role models had suffered—and more importantly, recovered from—sexual violence.
- Then, she’d invite girls to share whether these stories resonated with them. If they didn’t want to speak aloud, she said they could discreetly write “me too” on a slip of paper. They could also decide to share their contact information for a follow-up conversation.
- Finally, Burke would explain the important role community plays in healing from sexual violence.
(Shortform note: Each of the four steps Burke describes adds value to the workshops for survivors. The first and second steps give survivors a positive role model to relate to and help them contextualize their experiences—we’ve already discussed how positive role models and education benefit survivors. The third step reaffirms survivors’ agency, which is key to making them feel comfortable enough to share their experiences (a fact critics of mandatory reporting procedures in education, which violate victims’ agency, have emphasized). The fourth step provides survivors with insight about how they can move forward (something many people find daunting at first) and teaches them that social support can help them heal.)
Leading these workshops equipped Burke with the tools she needed to reach her child. Burke explains that she often asked Kaia if they’d been sexually abused, but she eventually realized that this point-blank approach was unlikely to elicit an honest response. So with her workshops in mind, she tried a different approach: She reminded Kaia that she loved them unconditionally and that they could share anything with her in writing if speaking it aloud was too difficult.
In response, Kaia wrote a note disclosing that they’d been sexually abused. Burke comforted Kaia while they cried and explained what happened, stressing that Kaia wasn’t at fault. Then, Burke opened up about her own victimization to show Kaia that they weren’t alone and that healing is possible.
(Shortform note: If you’re wondering whether a child in your life has been abused, experts recommend watching for signs—like mental health struggles or behavioral problems—and choosing a safe, private place to start a conversation with them. During the conversation, you may want to use an easygoing tone, words they easily understand given their age, and reassuring phrases (like Burke’s reminder that she loved Kaia unconditionally). Experts also recommend that parents have candid conversations about private body parts and healthy boundaries from an early age—this can help protect children from potential abusers and equip them with the language and comfort level they need to describe their experiences to you.)
In addition to helping her child begin healing from sexual violence, Burke’s involvement in the “me too” movement has made two other major differences in her life: First, although the work can trigger difficult memories and emotions, it’s also incredibly fulfilling and empowering. Burke explains that when it comes to coping with the sexual violence she endured, it helps to know that her pain has enabled her to serve a greater purpose (helping others heal). Second, Burke’s work with “me too” helped to heal her relationship with her mother. It forced her to open up honestly about her victimization and, when she and her mother ran into one of her childhood abusers, Burke felt for the first time that she had her mother’s full support.
(Shortform note: The benefits Burke says she got from working in the “me too” movement constitute post-traumatic growth, a kind of psychological development that can occur when dealing with trauma changes the way you see the world and your place in it. Studies suggest that many survivors of sexual violence find that helping others avoid or heal from abuse leads to post-traumatic growth. Burke’s post-traumatic growth had a positive ripple effect: Although family members often have a difficult time dealing with sexual violence disclosures, her decision to open up about her abuse helped her mend her relationship with her mother.)
