What are the social needs that every human has? How can you use these social needs as a way to influence people?
Identifying human social needs is a key part of Chase Hughes’ strategy for building a person’s behavior profile. Once you know what these needs are, you can use this knowledge as an influential tool.
Continue reading to identify and manipulate human social needs.
The Social Needs of People
Many people are familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which includes needs all people share—such as the need for safety, social belonging, and esteem. Hughes explains that, in addition to these universal needs, there are human social needs, which they attempt to meet through their interactions with others. There are six social needs, according to Hughes, each with a corresponding fear:
- The need to feel important (and the fear of being dismissed or mocked)
- The need for approval (and the fear of rejection or disdain)
- The need for acceptance (and the fear of criticism or alienation)
- The need to be perceived as intelligent (and the fear of being seen as dumb)
- The need to be pitied (and the fear of being ignored or disbelieved)
- The need to be perceived as powerful (and the fear of being disrespected or challenged)
Hughes explains that everyone has two of these six needs. Hughes writes that you can identify someone’s needs based on their behavior and, in some cases, their appearance. For example, someone who needs to feel important may have extravagant status symbols like expensive clothing or accessories. Someone who needs approval may show people-pleasing tendencies. Someone who needs to be perceived as powerful may talk loudly in public and tell stories about what a great leader they are.
(Shortform note: You may also be able to glean insight about someone’s needs based on their hobbies and interests. For example, people who need approval or acceptance may participate more in community activities and social groups, and people who need to be viewed as intelligent or powerful may participate in academic or athletic activities. This means the environment in which you’re interacting with someone may also give you clues about their needs.)
Use Social Needs to Establish Rapport and Influence Behavior
Hughes explains that you can use information about someone’s social needs to quickly establish rapport with them—and then, potentially influence their behavior.
To establish rapport, he says, subtly communicate that you can meet their need in some way. For example, if you know your employee has a need for approval, saying things like, “You’re doing a great job,” can quickly win them over. Or, if they need to be perceived as powerful, you can float the idea of a promotion to get them to do what you’d like them to do.
(Shortform note: Even after you’ve established your initial behavior profile of someone, you can continue to add to it the more you get to know them. Though Hughes focuses primarily on quickly building rapport with someone you’ve just met, his techniques can also help you strengthen your existing relationships. If you make an effort to help people achieve what they want and need, you’re more likely to get what you want out of that relationship—whether it’s a favor, advice, a deeper commitment to your relationship, or something else.)
To influence someone’s behavior, Hughes continues, imply that the behavior you want them to do will ensure their needs are met. For example, if you’re trying to convince a friend to seek therapy, and you know they’re someone who needs to feel pitied, you could say something like, “When I started therapy, I felt so validated. My therapist affirmed that my problems were significant and needed attention.” You’re not telling them what to do, but you’re implying that what you want them to do will fulfill their need for sympathy.
(Shortform note: While Hughes’s advice can help you understand and influence others’ behaviors, you may also want to consider your own social needs and how these techniques could be used against you. In The Confidence Game, Maria Konnikova gives the example of potential scammers observing your behavior to determine whether—or how—they can take advantage of you. For example, if they notice you’re a low-income college student, they may target you for a scam by offering you the opportunity to make some quick-and-easy cash. Being aware of such observational techniques can help you both influence others and avoid being unduly influenced yourself.)
Use Fears to Influence Behavior
Hughes explains that you can also use the fear that corresponds to someone’s social need to influence their behavior—specifically, to get them to stop an undesired behavior. To do this, suggest that the undesired behavior would make their fear a reality.
For example, imagine you’re selling car insurance and you have a customer who’s deciding whether to purchase your services. You’ve identified that they need to be perceived as intelligent—which means they fear being perceived as dumb. You share a story of someone who chose not to purchase your insurance, got in an accident, and then found that their chosen insurance company wouldn’t cover the damage. You lament how they should have been more discerning in their decision, suggesting that they made an unintelligent choice by not choosing your services. Your potential client doesn’t want you to think they’re dumb, too, so they buy your insurance.
(Shortform note: Research supports the idea that fear is a powerful influencer of behavior: A comprehensive review by the American Psychological Association found that fear-based appeals (those that emphasize potential harm if recommendations aren’t followed) are highly persuasive and effective at changing behavior. However, some question the ethics of fear-based appeals, arguing that they may induce anxiety and distress, that they risk victim-blaming, and that they may provide diminishing returns. Each time you induce the same fear in someone, the more they’ll habituate to that fear, making it less effective.)
