How can other people help you on your journey of personal growth? What are the benefits of asking for help?
However you optimize your training, reaching your full potential is much more difficult when you try to do it alone. Adam Grant explains that other people can assist your personal growth by giving you guidance, inspiring a sense of purpose in you, and working with you as a team.
Let’s explore these three benefits in more detail.
Benefit #1: Guidance
Grant notes that one of the benefits of asking for help is that it’ll give you outside guidance. Your ability to teach yourself has limits. Often, you’ll need guidance from others, especially if you’re trying to learn to do something complex where “success” is subjective, like composing a symphony or starting a political career.
To ensure that the advice you receive will actually help you, choose your guides carefully. Find someone who knows what they’re talking about, is familiar enough with you and your work to give an accurate assessment, and truly wants you to succeed. Otherwise, you could end up with bad advice, advice that doesn’t fit you, or advice that isn’t intended to be helpful.
Benefit #2: Purpose
Another way that others can help you reach your full potential is by giving you a motivating sense of purpose, according to Grant. When you feel like someone else is relying on you to achieve something, you can reframe the situation in a way that gives you strength. Instead of second-guessing your skills and worrying about the possibility of failure, you resolve to try your best, no matter what. Ultimately, this will help you do better work. For example, an entrepreneur will find it easier to put their heart in their business if they believe doing so will help them provide enough money for their children to go to any college they want.
(Shortform note: When you’re working with the purpose of helping someone, make sure that you’re giving the gift of your work unconditionally. In The Courage to Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga warn that some people who work to help others are primarily trying to earn appreciation and approval in return. If they work hard and make sacrifices yet fail to receive appreciation, they feel cheated and become resentful. This habit can make it difficult to form mutually supportive relationships. For instance, imagine the entrepreneur in the previous example has children who want to live as “starving artists” instead of going to college. This may cause the entrepreneur to condemn their children as ungrateful, damaging their relationship.)
Furthermore, Grant contends that when someone doubts your ability to accomplish something, the desire to prove them wrong can also be a powerful source of motivation. As long as you don’t let them undermine your confidence, you’ll naturally put in more effort and perform better than if there hadn’t been naysayers at all.
(Shortform note: People with different personality types may require different motivational tactics to reach their goals. In Relentless, Tim Grover acknowledges that the angry desire to prove others wrong can be a powerful catalyst for focused effort. However, he suggests that those who don’t respond well to anger or who find others’ doubts demoralizing rather than motivating may find more success by cultivating inner calm. For people like this, intentionally maintaining a clear mind and gentle emotions is a more effective way to access a state of intense focus.)
Benefit #3: Teamwork
Finally, being on a team can help you reach your full potential, argues Grant. In a team that’s centered on a unifying goal, everyone can help the other members by teaching skills in their particular area of expertise. When you’re on a team like this, you not only learn from a variety of skilled people but also enhance your skills by teaching others. When you explain something to someone else, you re-examine and reinforce your understanding of it, leading to significant personal growth.
Similarly, teaching someone how to achieve something makes you feel more capable of achieving your own goals. When you successfully teach someone, it’s proof that you know what you’re doing, and internalizing this proof helps you feel more confident. Research even shows that giving encouraging advice is more motivating than receiving such encouragement from others.
